Different
by bluebriefs
Summary: Everything becomes different after an unexpected move by Alex. A/O
1. Prologue

**A/N:** This story is a collaborative effort between bluebriefs and Hobbes. The SVU world here becomes parallel to canon post 'Guilt'.

Let us know how we're doing - we like feedback. It tells us if people actually want to read more.

**Disclaimer:** We don't own the characters that we don't own. Everything else comes from our demented minds.

**Different**

by bluebriefs & Hobbes

**Prologue**

Alexandra Cabot was not Olivia Benson's favorite person.

When they'd first met Olivia had pegged Cabot as a snotty do gooder. The clothes can indeed make the woman and Ms. Cabot's told Olivia that she either had family money or a sugar daddy. The fact that the ADA wasn't bitching about being assigned to babysit the panty police led Olivia to conclude that it was the former and that Cabot was looking to 'give back to society' by defending the downtrodden.

Olivia attempted to not pass judgment on her new ADA. "Help had to come from somewhere" wasn't a bad motto for the SVU team even if it presented itself in the form of a frosty blonde. It was the attitude that usually came with the assistance that kept the detectives from truly warming to the lawyer.

But it didn't take long for Olivia to realize that she'd read Alexandra Cabot wrong. The lawyer had taken on the low-paying, high stress job because of the exposure it afforded her. Prosecuting sex crimes will put your face in the papers and pave the route to the DA's chair. Olivia realized that Cabot intended on making political hay while serving as the SVU's ADA and wasn't going to be apologetic about it.

Then a boy named Sam Cavanaugh changed everything.

At his mother's urging Sam had reluctantly come forward to expose Roy Barnett, a man who had sexually abused him for years. The detectives soon learned that there'd been other victims before Sam and probably more that followed. It had taken time but the determined ADA had managed to coax Sam into testifying against Barnett.

Sam was a bright kid, but it had been incredibly difficult to confront the abuse he'd been subjected to. Even harder still was escaping the twisted psychological clutches of Barnett. Burdened with shame and convinced that he was sick for feeling sympathy for his abuser, Sam tried to kill himself by overdosing before the trial even began. Baring a miracle, Sam would be comatose for the rest of his life.

Following Sam's attempted suicide, Alex Cabot became Hell bent on putting Barnett away. She played every card in her hand and occasionally dealt them from the bottom of the deck. Her maneuvers, legal and illegal, were some that just a week before she wouldn't even have contemplated.

Thinking back, Olivia wasn't surprised by the woman's tenacity; guilt was a fantastic motivator. But she was in disbelief after learning that Cabot had managed to manipulate her and her partner, Elliot Stabler, into executing an illegal search to get her the evidence needed to bury Barnett.

Although she'd made sure the detectives were shielded throughout the subterfuge, the two cops did not appreciate being made to look like tools. Elliot had had other choice words to describe how he felt about the whole thing. Olivia's cooler head prevailed and they said nothing to Cabot until they both managed to calm down.

Cooling off took four days then Olivia called the lawyer up to see if she would like to have lunch. Cabot with nothing better to do, since said legal maneuvers had gotten her suspended for a month, agreed.

The meal had been tense, to say the least. The blonde looked different when she wasn't in one of her power suits. She sat across from Olivia and listened in silence. Cabot seemed to appreciate the cop's terse mini lecture on trust. It wasn't a dressing down, not in the way Elliot had at first envisioned.

In the end, Alexandra Cabot apologized for her actions but the detective waved off the apology. She reminded Cabot about what the lawyer had said the day before going off to arraign Barnett.

Olivia did not say so in her rebuke but she would have found it more admirable had the lawyer's guilt not been the driving force in seeking justice for Sam Cavanaugh. It had been a costly lesson on how to better deal with victims; things would be different from now on.

A couple of days after the peacemaking meal, the suspended lawyer gathered up the nerve to walk into the SVU squad room. She surveyed the bullpen. Elliot was nowhere to be seen while Munch and Fin were at their desks arguing over a topic that Alex couldn't quite discern. Her glance settled on Olivia, jaw clenched, scowling at the file she was reading. The detective looked up in surprise at the blonde who was standing by her desk and then glanced over at the clock.

Cragen came out of the interrogation room, saw Alex and told her and Olivia both to clear out ASAP.

"What was that all about?" Alex asked as they made haste in their exit.

"Trust me, you don't wanna meet your useless replacement," Olivia answered.

"Useless?" Elizabeth Donnelly didn't tolerate mediocrity let alone incompetence.

"A loaner from Tax Fraud. I always thought that red heads were supposed to be fiery. PT's got about as much fire as the Atlantic," Olivia declared blithely. A loud horn sounded from the corner but neither woman reacted as they crossed the busy street.

"PT? Paula Tracy?" Alex asked, somewhat horrified.

"You know her?"

"By reputation. She's known to favor cutting deals before even setting eyes on a case file. The rest of us can't decide if it makes us look better or if we should consider a career in embezzlement."

"Yeah, well, she threw me out of the box yesterday when I told the perp that I thought he'd make a sweet girl for his Rikers roomie," Olivia groused.

Alex threw Olivia a sideway glance.

"Not much of a threat there, detective. Losing your touch?"

They stopped at a nearby diner and Olivia opened the door for the blonde.

"They can't all be home runs," Olivia said as she followed Alex in. "Sometimes you settle for a sacrifice to move your team mates."

"And who were you moving?"

"Elliot crossed home by making friends with the perv. The bastard's in there today spilling his guts when you walked in. Tracy's on her way over. Still looking to plead him out I bet."

Their conversation about ADA Tracy ended when they slid into a cramped booth. Olivia refused to speak about work again. Instead, she turned her considerable interrogation skills on the lawyer.

Alex was amused by the detective's non attempt at hiding what she was doing and unreservedly fielded the questions Olivia was throwing at her. Their professional relationship didn't afford them many opportunities to indulge in socializing. They discussed their lives briefly over a quick meal before Olivia abandoned her with the check.

The next morning, Alex received a call from Elliot Stabler who didn't dabble in small talk over the phone as he asked, straight to the point, if she was up for lunch. Though surprised and a little wary, she accepted. They ended up at the same crappy diner but this detective at least paid for their soups and sandwiches.

Munch stepped up when Olivia was unable to get away the next week. He led Alex to the hot dog vendor around the corner from the precinct house. After a long hour with John Munch that ended with the detective calling out "Later, Teflon!" and getting a slap on her back, Alex couldn't decide if he should be committed or not.

When Fin Tutuola called next she demanded to know if there was a conspiracy by the squad to fatten her up. He admitted that she didn't have enough back for his taste but pointed out that her mention of conspiracy was frightening since she'd only been exposed to Munch for a short time. Alex then discovered that it was Munch who needled his partner into making the invite. The threesome ended up with Cuban takeout in the upper level of the squad room.

Cragen took Alex to the Greek restaurant on the day where every one of his detectives were out on a bust. Finally, the Captain hinted that these lunches might be a thank you from the squad for going the extra mile for Sam. Then again they may just be slowly poisoning her, he appended.

Alex received invitations for lunch with each of her detectives a couple more times over the course of the month, but Olivia Benson consistently met with her twice a week. Slowly over coffee, bad sandwiches, good ice cream and conversations that were completely unrelated to work the ice thawed between them.

Two days before Alex was reinstated they'd sat on a park bench working on their salads when Olivia told her something that she wouldn't soon forget:

"I think that the power-hungry, ambitious bitch, Alexandra Cabot has no place in the Special Victims Unit. Alex ain't so bad though."


	2. Part 1

**A/N:** Thanks for the feedback on the prologue. Hope you enjoy this next installment.

* * *

**Act I**

**1. Holiday Happiness**

Detective Olivia Benson felt her back twinge as she sat hunched over the keyboard. The rickety chair was the most comfortable one in the squad room, which just meant it sucked seven on the one-to-ten scale. After the massive amount of crap Munch had received about hemorrhoids she didn't dare be caught using a cushion. Of course, Elliot and Fin might be nicer to her…

Then again, maybe she'll just continue using the edge of her desk whenever possible.

She turned to her side and was stretching out the kinks when peripherally she caught sight of a blonde woman entering Cragen's office. Olivia almost laughed. It was Thanksgiving Day and barring a terrorist attack no one who out-ranked her would be around. She resisted the urge to call out to the figure and was typing again when the blonde approached her desk.

"Have you seen Cragen?" Came the demand.

"Happy Thanksgiving, Alex," Olivia replied half amused.

The Special Victims Unit Assistant to the District Attorney of New York County, Alexandra Cabot sighed like a petulant teenager. "Sorry. Happy Thanksgiving, Olivia. I was almost off the island when I received your text."

"Oh, sorry," Olivia said without much sympathy. It wasn't like Alex had been told she had to come in. Alex could have been half way to her family home instead of standing next to Olivia's desk upset about having been updated on an important case. As she had demanded the day before. Olivia cringed at her train of thought. It had not been so much a demand as it was a request. _So be nice, Olivia_, the detective thought to herself. She placed a band-aid over the old scab that she'd forgotten to not pick at today, and turned her full attention the blonde in front of her.

"Gregory's shrink has decided that he's a candidate for Bellevue?" Alex asked. Which was the reason Olivia had sent the ADA a text message in the first place.

"He was re-evaled this morning. God only knows why they picked today. They are claiming…" Olivia searched her desk for the report and handed it to Alex before she continued to speak. "… post traumatic stress syndrome. He molested them because his mother was mean to him."

"Do I detect a hint of sarcasm?" Alex asked flipping open the file.

"With those observation skills you should be a detective, counselor."

"Thanks, I think. I thought we've established that the squad needs to bring me solid cases that won't unravel the minute defense pulls the mentally unfit for trial card," huffed the prosecutor.

"Is that what we established? The details escape me." the detective shot back.

"I want Huang to talk to him too. Again. Why didn't you text him too?" Alex was suddenly irritated again.

"Whoa. No need to take it out on me. It's not my fault you have a life to be interrupted. And I did text him. I sent the message to you, Elliot, Cragen and Huang. You're the only one who came in."

"Don't they think this is worth more than a phone call?" Alex fretted.

"We can't do anything about it today. My text was just an FYI, Alex," Olivia told her with the amusement beginning to show.

"Then why did you say I needed to come in?"

"I didn't."

"Yes, you did," Alex argued. She retrieved her Blackberry, quickly bringing up the message and read it out loud, "FYI: Gregory's shrink—"

"Found reason to plead mental defect. No need to come in," Olivia recited. This caused the pretty ADA to flush.

"I was in my car…" Alex started but then decided that confessing to the misdemeanor of using her cell phone while driving was a bad idea. Olivia grinned at her having gotten the message loud and clear.

"Go enjoy your holiday, Alex," Olivia told her.

Alex stood there for a few moments longer, making an obvious attempt at having the last word. Olivia continued to grin watching Alex's mouth open and close. Finally, Alex settled for a sheepish smile.

"You on this weekend? How about dinner Saturday night?" Alex asked, trying to salvage the trip to the squad room.

"Not staying with your Mom?"

"She's leaving for Europe Friday night."

"Lucky her. Saturday's good for me. Seven?" Olivia asked and Alex nodded.

"Zocalo?" Alex asked.

"Sounds good. Upper east side?" Olivia confirmed the location and Alex nodded again. Alex picked up her brief case after buttoning up her coat. She suddenly didn't care how soon she got to her mother's house upstate.

"How'd you get stuck working?"

"I volunteered," Olivia answered with a shrug.

"Ah…" Alex realized she had unintentionally hit one of her friend's sore spots. She nodded a few times and then spoke a quiet, "Happy Thanksgiving, Olivia."

Olivia watched Alex leave through the double doors of the squad room and then turned back the pile of work on her desk. Her focus was shot, however. She sighed and sipped her coffee. She had told herself that she wouldn't let Alexandra Cabot affect her like this.

Alex was straight and almost taken. It would do no good to wish for fishes.

Olivia got up and started a new pot of coffee. While the coffee was brewing, she sat at her desk and made herself forget the gorgeous blonde. She hadn't read more than a page when her phone rang. A few minutes later she was waking Fin up so that they could head to Beth Israel Medical Center to sort out another fine family holiday celebration.

* * *

**2. Dishing at Dinner**

Alex caught herself checking her watch for the third time in five minutes. She frowned inwardly at her anxiousness. It wasn't that Olivia was late, it was actually a good fifteen minutes before their agreed upon time.

_You're just afraid she's going to get called into work and have to cancel,_ Alex told herself. Alex examined her apprehension for a moment, then the odd feeling faded as she saw a tall familiar figure enter the eatery.

She couldn't see the woman's face but she knew it was Olivia. No one else carried themselves quite the way the SVU detective did. Alex felt herself smirk a little when the woman turned slightly and was revealed to be Olivia.

A few minutes later Olivia was settled at the table and a waiter in a spiffy uniform took their order and left. As always work was a taboo subject so Alex asked, "How's Julia?"

"Past tense," Olivia said with a minimal shrug. Alex's brow furrowed at the indifference but then remembered that it had only been a month since Olivia had begun dating the sexy little stage actress. She dismissed the question of why it seemed so much longer.

"What happened?"

"She couldn't cope with being second to the badge," Olivia told her.

It wasn't the first time Alex had heard that song and dance. "That bad?"

"She had a minor issue of not knowing where I was 24/7," Olivia answered as if there was no more to it. There's no reason to depress Alex with the details - that even the rotation of the Earth moved to Julia's whim.

"Sorry to hear that," Alex said, genuinely concerned for her friend. However, a jolt of something that was a little too close to relief in her heart surprised her. Alex filed that sentiment away to reflect on later.

"Inevitable, but fun while it lasted," Olivia said with a slight smirk.

"Did you…" Alex trailed off.

"Not even close. I think my moral standards scared her," Olivia responded as she stirred her margarita. She sipped it and decided that she approved though tequila was not really her choice of spirit. The trip to Mexico during her college years was easily remembered.

"Morals are scarce these days," Alex commented and not for the first time.

"How's Nathan?" Olivia asked, not really in the mood for a discussion of morality and humanity. Too close to a work topic.

Alex sighed heavily. "Past tense."

"Really? I thought you were starting towards something serious," Olivia said in surprise.

"We were until I decided that I couldn't compete."

"Compete with what?"

"Who, not what. Mommy," Alex said ruefully.

"Ouch," Olivia sympathized, having once dated a momma's boy.

"Better to figure that out now than in five years and two kids," Alex said.

Olivia raised her glass to toast. "To past tenses," she said softly. Their glasses met with a soft clink.

Then Alex changed the subject to the movie she was wishing she had the time to go see. Olivia, the closet movie buff, debated the merits of the film for a few minutes then declared the lead actress 'plain'. Alex burst out laughing.

"She's considered one of the sexiest people alive!" Alex argued.

"By whom? She looks like every other young starlet or starless out there," Olivia said with some disdain.

Maybe Julia had turned her off of actresses, Alex mused.

"Besides I saw her on Regis," Olivia went on and pointed at Alex's plate. "That lobster you're eating had more brains and it was caught."

"Ah, now I see the problem. You're prejudiced against stupid people," Alex teased and Olivia coughed slightly.

"Yes," she agreed.

"And just what are your minimum requirements?"

"The ability to speak in full sentences is a good start. I don't even care what language it is as long as the sentences are complete," Olivia replied with a half smile.

"Brains…," said the blonde nodding. "And what else are you demanding?"

"Demand is such a strong word. Brains, a healthy appetite, no drugs, no fetishes-- What?" Olivia asked as Alex began to chuckle softly.

"Fetishes?" Alex asked, knowing that there must be a really good story behind the remark.

"You wouldn't believe the number of people who love my handcuffs," Olivia deadpanned.

"I'm the SVU's ADA. I'd believe almost anything," came the dry reply.

Olivia raised her glass again. "Here's to anything."

Alex drank up and then ordered a second. Olivia passed on the drink and set about attacking her Pollo al Ajillo. The garlic flavor was perfect as it had been the other three times they had come here. Olivia looked over to see Alex picking at her paella dish heartily. While Olivia had found a perfect dish and was content to not deviate Alex seemed determined to try every seafood dish on the menu. Then again, the way she was working over her meal maybe she had found a keeper too.

Olivia then turned the subject of their conversation around on the ADA. Alex's fork stabbed a bite and then she stopped to ponder Olivia's question.

"Well, like you, I admire intelligence. Unfortunately it seems to be in short supply most of the time. I'm also not fond of ex-convicts but that seems to be mutual," Alex said, causing Olivia to laugh.

"I'm afraid I have that problem too," Olivia told her.

"I thought that the problem was your handcuffs," Alex smirked.

"So, who was that very handsome man I saw you with last week?" Olivia asked as if the thought just occurred to her.

"When?" Alex asked, not remembering a handsome man let alone a very handsome one.

"At the courthouse. Dark hair, impeccable suit, a bit on the short side but not bad looking at all," Olivia said.

"Oh, you mean Harvester. He's a new fish in the office. Liz expects huge things from him."

"Harvester?" Olivia searched her memory for the name that she knew she'd heard recently.

"He was on track to become a big wig international contract lawyer with an OWMF when he suddenly gave it up and signed on at the prosecutors office," Alex elaborated.

Olivia suppressed her grin at the reference to the old white men firms and asked, "Does he know anything about criminal law?"

"He's quick."

"He's cute. Too bad about the no coworker rule," Olivia told her.

"Too bad he's the gayest man in Manhattan," Alex responded.

"Can't be. Raymond..."

"Harvester makes Ray look like Fin," Alex told her and Olivia laughed at the thought of their shared hairdresser in comparison to Fin Tutuola.

Alex flagged down the waiter again, this time to order coffee and some fried ice cream. Olivia passed on the dessert but echoed the coffee request. The ice cream was a temptation that they both usually gave into and Alex almost felt guilty about caving in the face of Olivia's strength. But she took a bite and almost vocally reacted. She then noticed that when Olivia asked her about Thanksgiving with the Cabot clan her eyes wandered to the plate of ice cream.

It was a habit of her of her career that caused Alex to speak with her hands and after a while she found it impossible to tell the story properly while holding the spoon. She was motioning in an imitation of her teenaged cousin, Corin, when she caught Olivia looking at the half finished dessert again.

"Then Corin starts this long tirade about eating meat. Her feelings for the bird apparently ran deeper than what I thought I felt for Nathan. She had just finished her summation when Uncle Jim tells her that he would toss her argument based on the fact that she repeatedly used the words 'like', 'um' and 'soooooo'," Alex recounted the incident at the Cabot dining table as she pushed the ice cream across to her dinner companion. Olivia picked up the spoon; with a smile Alex continued, "Corin burst into tears and started sobbing hysterically when Uncle Jim picked up the carving knife."

Olivia tasted the ice cream, pleased that Alex knew her so well. She didn't have much sympathy for the turkey or the cousin who had been harassed but the ice cream was perfect.

* * *


	3. Part 2

**3. Typewriter**

The holiday season did no favors for law enforcement, and the day after Christmas the SVU bullpen was mostly empty. The unit's detectives were either out pounding the pavement chasing down leads or in the interview room with another lowlife. Everyone except for Olivia, who was riding the desk. Earlier that day, a surly Captain Cragen had handed her an inch-think folder of incomplete paperwork while clutching a bottle of pepto bismo in the other hand. Olivia grabbed the files and exited the office without so much as a squeak of protest.

On her way back to her desk she'd shot her partner a death glare. Elliot, who'd only just arrived, wisely left his partner to her punishment. He mumbled something about shaking down a perp with Huang and hastily got up from his chair.

Some 90 minutes later the takedown cabal of Cabot, Cragen, Huang and Stabler exited the observation room. Alex and Elliot could be heard discussing, or shouting at each other, as is the case, over probable cause for a warrant.

"I can't let you toss his apartment based solely on the word of a drunk vagrant who was two sips from a case of spontaneous combustion when you questioned him," Alex stated flatly. "Find me something, anything, that solidly links him to Joanna -- *outside of school*," she emphasized when she saw Elliot opening his mouth to retort, "and you'll have your search warrant."

Elliot was about to say something but was cut off again, this time by Cragen.

"Alright. Elliot, you and your partner talk to his neighbors, his taichi group, the cleaning lady - anyone that might have seen the inside of his apartment. In the meantime, we'll get some unis to sit on him."

Alex checked her watch and said, "I have to get going. Back to back sentencing hearings. Call me as soon as you have something."

She left the group and turned to look around the squad room. She found what she was searching for and walked over to Olivia who was standing by the typewriter, arms akimbo and staring at the relic as if to intimidate it into working.

"Going old school, detective?"

Olivia looked up at the smiling ADA. "These," she waved a carbonless form in triplicate, "need to be filled out and there're no electronic versions. Can you believe it?"

Alex refrained from stating that she was the SVU's ADA and would believe anything. Again. Instead, she asked, "Hey... what are you doing on New Years Day?"

"Laundry, probably. Why?" Olivia asked as she peered at the typewriter warily. She was used to the other machine, the one that was older than Cragen and didn't need electricity, but it was pinched by the Theft and Burglary bunch the week before.

"Well I'm having a little get together, call it a support group for hangovers. We're going to watch some football and drink away the pain. Would you like to come?"

Olivia directed an arched eyebrow at the ADA but didn't comment on the football. And it didn't escape her notice either that this would be a first - her and Alex would be spending non work related time together but not sitting across from each other in some restaurant. For two people who started off somewhat on rocky grounds the dinners had been the perfect bridge, somewhere between professional coworkers and girlfriends going on shopping sprees. This invite would be a step in a new direction.

Something different, Olivia thought. "Sure. I'd love to," she said to the lawyer.

"Okay. I'll send you an email reminder," Alex said. She moved to turn around but stopped. Instead, she stepped closer to Olivia, reached over the side of the machine and hit the power switch. The electric typewriter whizzed and rattled to life.

"Hey! Thanks!" Olivia called out to the retreating form. Alex waved a hand before she disappeared around the corner.

* * *

**4. Food For Thought**

That week, all week long, Olivia and Elliot chased dead end after dead end. They were nowhere closer to uncovering any leads or evidence that would allow them to search the apartment of the suspected child molester who worked as a lab technician in the school his victims attended. The trail was getting cold and the detectives knew time was running out. On their desks laid a mountain of case files that were equally pressing. There were too many victims and not enough overtime. Something had to give.

After calling it a day, Elliot had slammed his locker on the way out and Olivia could almost see the steam billowing out of his ears. Olivia watched her partner leave, then popped three aspirins and sank into her uncomfortable chair. She halfheartedly shoved a pile of paperwork to the side of her blotter and rested her forehead on the desk. The detective took in a few deep breaths in an attempt to clear her mind.

One of Olivia's respites from the tediousness and stress of the day was the occasional odd dream she would have about Alex Cabot. The dreams came few and far in between, and given the uncertain start to their relationship Olivia had been able to stick her feelings into the 'physical attraction only' box and left them alone. But instead of petering out into subconscious oblivion, the simple infatuation turned into fondness and deep affection for the blonde woman and they began to torment Olivia's consciousness.

Olivia sighed loudly and banged her head against the plastic blotter in a furtive manner.

Over at the ADA's office, Alex had her head resting on a palm while she read. Alex had only called in a few times that week to obtain cursory updates from the squad. She'd spent a better part of her week chasing her own legal tail. When Thursday rolled around she was ready to tell every judge who denied her motions where to stick their gavels. She kept that thought to herself as closed the case file and threw it back into her inbox. Sparing a glance at the clock she picked up her Blackberry and sent a message to Olivia.

They met up halfway between the precinct and One Hogan, in a bar that served better food than one might expect from the faux-English décor precariously hung with what looked like giant push pins. Alex stirred her drink with a faraway look in her face. She'd shook off her pristine pinstripe jacket, revealing a white button down that looked like it was freshly pressed and not one that Alex had on since seven that morning. To everyone else, Alex Cabot still seemed unassailable after a day of lawyering. But her dinner companion looked at her strangely.

"Long day then?" Olivia ventured.

"Unbelievably long. You wouldn't believe..." Alex stopped and waved it off. "We shouldn't be talking about work."

Olivia cocked her head to the side. "You look like you need to vent so let's bend the rules this once."

Alex looked at her friend. She sighed and began to recount her day. "Gritzner decided he's going to clear his docket by the end of the week – he wants to be in Maui by New Year's Eve, rumor has it. So, a few of our pending cases got moved up. I've overloaded my 2Ls with research already and I think I even made one of them cry when I had him pull rulings from the last thirty years and summarize them." The blonde paused and took a sip of her drink. "Even Harvester was looking a little worse for wear when I left the office. You wouldn't believe how difficult it's been to find precedence for the Rombough case. The rulings were purposely narrow in scope and I'd..."

Alex kept going but at this point, Olivia realized she wasn't required to follow every word so much as nod at the right moments and just allow her friend to release some of the built up frustrations. Some time down the line they'll have to rethink the no shoptalk rule, she decided. But for now, Olivia was content to watch the prosecutor vent. It's not so bad, Olivia thought, and Alex seemed to relax with each cause of her bad day unburdened to a willing listener.

Olivia half listened and spent the other half of her effort covertly studying Alex's face - it was wearily expressive and those glasses that she wore... Olivia noticed then that, if they caught the light at just the right angle, Alex's glasses glowed a deep hue of amber. Those frames were actually brown, not black as one would think at first glance.

Olivia stored that piece of information away in the same place she kept all the other random things she noticed about her friend. Like how this pair of glasses looked better than the tortoise-shell ones, or how the lawyer always has a subtle smirk when she knew she was going to get things her way, or the way Alex sits in the courtroom, slouched with indifference, was a bewilderingly attractive mix of arrogance and confidence… Olivia checked her thoughts right there before they lead to less decorous ones.

These little 'Alex tidbits' she kept stowed away in her mind, out of conscious reach but not too far beneath that she couldn't secretly take them out to occupy the rare moments when she daydreamed.

"And I never should have agreed to have drinks with Ben Sorensen last night."

Olivia's attention snapped back to the present. Sorenson, Olivia recalled, was another ADA from the Trial Bureau. She arched an eyebrow but didn't say anything.

Alex looked up from her glass of long island and smiled wryly. "Let's just say I'm seriously deciding to convene a vetting committee for all future dates. I should make you chair of that committee."

The detective thought of pressing Alex for details, but for all the times the two had gotten together to swap dating stories neither of them had been inclined to badger the other. It had been a comfortable relationship of mutual voluntary disclosure.

And this one, Olivia sensed, seemed like it was better off left alone. She also ignored the urge to tell Alex that she'd like to submit herself for vetting. Instead, she said, "You should've just pulled the work emergency card."

"What I would've given for my pager or cell to go off yesterday. Or even better - Arthur Branch appearing, in person, demanding that I explain why I plead the Hassan-Weaver case out."

"That's pretty desperate."

"I know." Alex sighed.

"You should call me."

"Hm?"

"Call me the next time you need an out." Olivia offered.

Alex smiled but before she could say anything in response, dinner arrived and the topic at hand was forgotten as they enthused over the plates set before them. The two friends settled into their meals and work was never brought up again for the rest of the evening. Instead, they caught each other up on the city's latest happenings, things that don't crop up on their work radar and planned their next gourmand destination.

An hour later, Alex stared at the check and mentally tried to calculate the tip. She looked to Olivia and figuring it'd be quicker than pulling out her Blackberry, handed the slip of paper over to the detective for help. Olivia quickly did the math and wrote down the amount. She slid it back over for Alex to sign.

Ever since Olivia had left Alex with the check at the diner, the two had taken turns at settling the bill. It was an arrangement that was never arrived at by discussion; they'd each just naturally pick up the tab when it was their turn.

"By the way," Alex said suddenly remembering, "I just wanted you to make sure that you were still planning on coming over on New Years Day?"

"Wouldn't miss it. My shift ends at 3 that morning. I'll be able to get some rack time and be at your place around noon."

The lawyer nodded, quietly hoping that the entire island of Manhattan would be enveloped in a cloud of zen for new years eve. Olivia and the rest of New York's Finest did not have the luxury of just being on call. Every cop will be on hand to make sure the city is safe for the night of revelry.

Alex knew that Olivia didn't mind the work; it wasn't like she had other pressing demands on her social life since the incident known as Julia. Fiercely and competently independent as she was, Olivia wasn't opposed to the idea of something or someone constant in her life. But a revolving door of failed relationships wasn't helping the cause.

Apart from the usual hazards that came with dating a cop that person would have to accept that Olivia lived and breathed SVU. Once, Olivia had confided to Alex that being with someone who didn't understand the job and her commitment to it just wasn't conceivable at this point in her life.

Sometimes I think that's just too much to ask for, Olivia had admitted.

But it'd be worth it, Alex had thought to say. But the rational part of her vetoed it. Rational Alex didn't think that sounded very appropriate, even as a compliment to a friend.

* * *

**5. Pregame**

_New Years Eve..._

Despite all outward appearances, Alexandra Cabot loathed 'company events' and the DA's Office New Year's Eve dinner gala was the paragon of such things. Alex always thought that schmoozing with the people who on a daily basis you either yell at or got yelled at just bordered on bipolar.

But there she found herself, at the luxurious ballroom making small talk with her boss and sundry or as Elliot Stabler had once called them, 'the mucky-mucks and their funky bunch'. Alex made her way through the room and made sure she spent enough time showing her face to the right people before quietly slipping away.

She arrived home at a respectable 11pm and thought about sending a text to Olivia to see how the detective was doing. Alex quickly dismissed the idea because she'd never send a text for no reason and she was going to see her friend the next day anyway.

She let that last thought carry her through her bedtime routine and slept fitfully.

* * *

Olivia scanned the crowd while sipping her lukewarm coffee. It was a mild night and that meant more than the usual number of nut cases were in the crowds of Manhattan. The ball dropped over an hour ago but the revelers haven't even begun to wane. Elliot was telling Fin about something one of the kids had done, no doubt spectacular and amazing, when Olivia spotted a familiar face.

_No fucking way_, Olivia thought as it dawned on her who she was seeing.

"Elliot. Four o'clock, yellow cap, red coat, jeans and boots."

It took Elliot a second to orient himself but he found the man Olivia was pointing out.

"Guess Montana had too much space. Play the married couple?" He asked and swiped Munch's Dodger cap from his head.

Elliot pulled the cap low over his brow and tossed an arm over his partner's shoulder. They made their way through the crowd stumbling, appearing to be a half drunk couple. As they approached the man in the yellow hat fate intervened and the crowd parted for them. Unfortunately, the man looked up at the same moment and a flash of recognition crossed his face when his eyes met Olivia's. He began to slowly move away from the woman he was holding up. The unknown woman dropped like a rock and the man took off.

Elliot and Olivia gave chase and he wasn't hard to apprehend - there were just too many people for him to get anywhere quickly. If he had been smart he would have slipped into the crowd and ditched the coat. But the man who had fled to big sky country while awaiting sentencing for multiple convictions on drugging and rape charges had never been accused of being intelligent. He ran directly into a group of drunken frat boys who were not impressed with him either.

It took Elliot yelling loudly while displaying his badge and Olivia throwing one of the boys to the ground when he wouldn't stop pummeling the man to get the boys to calm down. The group of uniforms who had descended on the pair helped too.

Olivia snapped her cuffs on Lonny Bilgers' wrists and hauled him to his feet. "Hi there Spanky," she grinned at him. "Watching the ball drop on TV not the same? Had to come back to the city for the holidays?"

The drunken college kid that Olivia had stopped from beating up Bilgers staggered to his feet. He wanted to start something with Olivia but a patrolman held him back. Olivia turned to lead Bilgers away, followed by Elliot. She was completely blindsided when the drunk broke free from the officer and launched himself at her, having decided she would make a good punching bag.

Olivia's police training took over and she had his face on the cold cement before anyone else could get to the pair. "Dumb move, junior!" Elliot said as he took the kid off her hands and left Bilgers to Olivia.

"Haven't lost your touch, Detective Benson. Still pissing men off with little ef--ARGH!" Bilgers yelped with pain when Olivia gave his wrist a hard wrench.

"Everyone needs a talent," she glibly told him, and was none too gentle when she led him from the crowd to a police checkpoint.

It took the better part of the next two hours to process Bilgers into the system. Olivia fended off questions about her well being during that time. Her adrenaline levels fell just in time for her to curl up in the station crib and drift into a light sleep.

A few hours later Olivia started awake from yet another dream about Alex. This one, however, hadn't been a sex laden flight of fancy. Olivia smirked when she realized that made her just a little disappointed. She hauled herself out of the cot and headed to the showers. After washing up and getting into some clean clothes the smirk faded.

_I really need to get it under control_, Olivia thought. Dreaming about a straight woman would only leave her lonely. Olivia shook off the moroseness and pulled on her black leather jacket. She was going to be late for the party but knew that Alex would understand. Elliot had called the ADA's office about the fugitive they had apprehended the night before. By now, Alex would have been informed about the events that took place overnight.

ADA Cabot was going to enjoy sending Lonny Bilgers to prison and Olivia was going to enjoy watching her do it.

* * *


	4. Part 3

**6. A New Year**

When the door buzzer sounded, Alex knew that it was Olivia downstairs. She asked who it was anyway and buzzed the cop in after hearing the familiar voice coming through the speaker. Alex idled by the kitchen, listening to the chatter of her other guests in the living room.

The knock on her door came a few minutes later and Alex threw a quick glance at the mirror she was walking past and tucked away stray strands of blonde hair behind her ear. She opened the door to find Olivia behind a giant bag of munchies in one hand and half a dozen swing-top bottles in the other. The detective had a freshly-scrubbed look to her and Alex couldn't suppress the profound pleasure she felt seeing Olivia standing there.

"Grolsch!" Alex exclaimed as she grabbed the booze from Olivia. "You know what I like."

They set the snacks down along an already overflowing dining table filled with chips, dips and other nibbles. Alex stuck the bottles of lager in the refrigerator and extracted a cold one for Olivia. Then they headed out to the living room.

Looking around Olivia only recognized Elizabeth Olivet, one time consulting psychologist to the DA's office and a mutual friend of Alex and Olivia.

Alex made the requisite introductions for the rest of the group, pointing out Eli Zimmer and Tom Dobrowski from the DA's office, Tracy Ng, Alex's roommate from her final year at Columbia, and her husband Jerry. Alex grabbed Olivia by her arm and they settled in among the group.

The score was tied with seconds to go before half time. A broken up play at fourth down had the free safety blazing past the linemen to lay a bone crunching hit on the Stanford quarterback. The living room filled with groans of empathy.

"That's a strike... right?" Olivia asked blank-faced as the referee tossed a yellow flag onto the field. Everyone turned to look at her.

Alex noticed the twitching of Olivia's lips, and since her alcohol soaked brain was slow to come up with a retort she considered throwing the remote at the detective. By that time, everyone had caught on to the act. Elizabeth thanked Olivia for propagating the sports-ignorant female myth. The game played on but it quickly became secondary to the conversations and grazing, supplemented by an endless supply of spirits, that of camaraderie and the kinds imbibed.

At the sound of the final gun, the Stanford Cardinals celebrated their first big time bowl game victory in almost three decades. This caused Alex to break out more wine and - to mock grousing from her guests - Trivial Pursuit.

After a few games and tired of being trounced by Tracy, who turned out to be not only a cut-throat corporate lawyer but an apparent pop culture nerd, everyone began to take their leave. Alex stayed by the door to bid her guests goodbye. Olivia and Elizabeth remained, in silent adherence to some sisterhood code, to help clean up.

While getting out some trash bags Elizabeth received an emergency call on her cell and so she surrendered the receptacles to Olivia. With hasty hugs and promises to do lunch soon she dashed out the door. That left Alex and Olivia, and they surveyed a living room that looked like the aftermath of a high school gathering.

Alex turned to Olivia. "You don't have to stay, you know."

"It's fine. I don't have any where else I need to be."

"I owe you."

They divided and conquered. Olivia walked over to the entertainment center and Alex told her she could play anything she liked. She flipped through Alex's CD collection and decided on an illegally copied mix of sixties rock music. The stereo speakers came to life a moment later with the sound of John, Michele, Denny and Cass. The off-duty cop bumped along to the music as she walked the room with a trash bag.

Alex needs to talk to her guests about taking their plates to the kitchen, Olivia decided. She tossed plate after plate of half eaten snacks while Alex created her own snack mix by consolidating the mostly emptied bags of chips, pretzels and cheese covered shapes of all sizes into one bag.

"Do you dream of California?" Olivia asked during the musical interlude.

"I dream of riding through Napa Valley, you know, vineyard country and all, on the back of a motorcycle," Alex admitted. She picked up an almost empty wine bottle and finished it in two swallows.

Olivia smothered a grin at the completely unrefined behavior being displayed by Alex. "Sounds like fun."

"It was. Jay and I used to spend weekends riding his bike. Up the coast, down the coast," Alex said as she chucked the bottle in the glass-recycling bin Olivia had dragged in from the kitchen.

"Jay?"

"Jason Oliver. Brilliant financial guy, built like Thor, loving and thoughtful."

"Yeah? What happened to him?"

"I left him in California. Neither one of us was willing to relocate," Alex said, frowning at her own stubborn refusal to compromise. She pointed to a picture that hung on her wall with a slew of others. "That's Jay and his family."

"Nice looking family." Olivia didn't comment on the fact that Jay's wife looked a hell of a lot like Alex.

"If you're into that sort of thing."

"And you're not?"

"Someday maybe. I'm more interested in protecting other people's children right now…" Alex said with a lopsided shrug. Her face broke into a grin when the next song came on. "Oh cool."

"Cool?" Olivia asked, a little stupefied.

"My youth slipping out I suppose. Just shows you how drunk I must be," Alex mused. She hadn't stopped her effort to clean so Olivia started in again.

"I never pegged you for 'cool'. Maybe 'righteous' or 'wicked'."

"Never wicked. I'm from New York not Massa chewiest," Alex told her.

"Only Massachs… Massachu…"

"Massachusettans?" Alex supplied.

"Yeah that. Thanks. Only can they used wicked?"

Olivia thought about her word order for a brief second but they must have been right because Alex kept up her end of the drunken conversation.

They chatted on about past loves, likes and wishes unfulfilled as they cleaned the room. It didn't take long to finish up. Olivia sung with Janice Joplin under her breath as she took the last bottle of wine and the Trivial Pursuit box to their homes in the closet and fridge. She retrieved the last two cold bottles of Grolsch and met Alex, who was returning from the restroom, at the couch. They plopped down together.

Alex sipped the cold beer and felt a wave of dizziness. She closed her eyes briefly and let the feeling pass. She quickly discovered that Olivia's shoulder made nice pillow and unintentionally she sighed with contentedness.

Olivia turned and regarded the lawyer briefly before she took a closer look at the label on the beer. It was inexplicably fascinating so she stared longer. Finally, she asked, "Isn't this stuff made in the Netherlands?"

"I dunno," came the slurred response.

"I think it is. So... why's the bottle green. Fake Irish beer?" Olivia asked as she continued to watch light bounce off her bottle.

"Probably some marketing research somewhere that suggests beer sells better in green bottles. Maybe it tastes better in a green bottle," the drunk lawyer tried to posit.

"Like blue M & M's tasting different than the others?"

"Blue and red taste the same. Too much dye. Yes, green beer... green bottles make the green beer better," Alex said.

"Green beer batter?" Olivia asked in bewilderment. She turned slightly and Alex slid off her shoulder. Olivia found herself face to face with Alex. Alex who was wearing a half smirk. Olivia blinked as Alex became serious and leaned in.

The kiss was brief. Too brief and too long. Olivia didn't respond until it was too late. Alex pulled back.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that," Alex told her, turning away.

"Then why did you?" Olivia asked.

"I think... Think it's the alcohol," Alex replied after an intimidating pause.

Olivia scowled. She hated that excuse but the anger dissipated in seconds. She had been staring at her beer bottle in fascination a minute earlier.

"Oh."

"Yes, oh. I'm sure that in the morning we'll laugh about it but right now laughing may make us puke. That would be bad. Real ba..."

Olivia tuned out Alex's ramblings. Olivia didn't want to laugh. She wanted to remember that all too brief a kiss, savor it and – to hell with consequences – do it again. She was about to tell Alex that when she realized that the blonde had fallen silent. Fallen asleep actually. Passed out on Olivia's shoulder to be precise. Olivia watched Alex for a moment then debated as what her next move would be.

She didn't want to wake Alex and Olivia was too drunk to carry her to the bedroom. She debated, planned, worried and then gently moved so that Alex would fall to the couch. Olivia caught her and laid her on the sofa. The NYPD throw that Alex kept on her rocking chair covered her perfectly. Olivia watched her sleep for a minute and then realized she was about three minutes from her own exit to slumber.

After a trip to the bathroom she snuggled down in Alex's extremely comfortable bed. She curled a pillow under her arm while muttering, "Shoulda been more specific with that birthday wish. Wanna be in Alex's bed. You've got a shitty sense of humor, Fate. Damn you, Alex… why'd you have to go an' do that? I finally quit thinking about you fifteen hours a day and now I'm gonna dream about you five hours a night. Fuck me..."

The room fell silent as Olivia passed out into an alcohol fueled dream state.

* * *

Alex groaned into the crook of her elbow. It was way too painful to move. She wondered if someone had hit her in the head and caused a concussion. She wondered if the drumbeats would ever lessen. She even wondered how the room could spin like that. She groaned again and decided that passing back out would be a blessing from God.

Apparently he was listening because the next thing she knew it was later and she felt a tiny bit better. Alex managed to open her eyes enough to see the fairly clean apartment. The last time she had a party she had awakened to a roach colony having their own celebration on her coffee table.

She remembered Olivia helping her clean before she had passed out. She sighed knowing that she owed the detective a big thank you. She was contemplating what she could do to show her appreciation when the kiss came back to her.

I kissed her, she thought. Alex contemplated her stupidity as she closed her eyes again. She liked Olivia. She was a good friend. Alex had never been in a relationship with a woman before and had no intention of starting now.

So why'd I kiss her? Alex wondered. After a few minutes of thought her still fuzzy brain came to the same conclusion it had in the midst of having entirely too much to drink. It had to be.

Alex sighed again and pushed it out her mind. A quick search of the apartment found herself alone. Olivia had left a note. It thanked her for the invitation and apologized for leaving so stealthily but the squad had called and she was needed.

How can she possibly function? Alex wondered as she opened the refrigerator for a bottle of water to wash down the Advil. She used her hip to shut the door and opened the bottle and downed it with the tablets.

Alex was almost back to the couch when she frowned. She retraced her steps, opened the refrigerator and peered into it to confirm what she'd seen earlier - the Trivial Pursuit game was sitting snug between a takeout box and an expired gallon of milk. She shook her head in amusement but stopped quickly as it made her slightly nauseous. She reached for the game but then decided that sitting down was more important.

The couch was as comfortable as she had left it. She was contemplating the game box when she fell asleep again.

* * *

**END ACT I**


	5. Part 4

**ACT II**

**7. Oh One Oh Two**

Olivia Benson had learned early to be observant. She had developed the skill as a self defense mechanism as a child, watching her alcoholic mother.

It was before her third birthday that Olivia knew the indicators for determining what kind of day she would have to navigate. A happy and cheerful mom in the morning meant that mom would be passed out before five PM. A grumbling and grouchy mom meant that Olivia would have to avoid her mother who would be spoiling for a fight. Because of Olivia's ability to see what was coming it had been rare that their fights would be physical.

The in between moods were harder to recognize but Olivia learned the clues: a shaky hand, the mumbled word, being called his kid rather than her name. It had astounded Olivia that the other adults around her were so blind to the truth.

As a teenager she was able to manipulate people but it always left her feeling horrible. In her mind it made her like her mother and that was the last person she wanted to grow up to become.

So she parlayed her observation skills into a good career. Olivia was a good cop even though her compassion for the victim sometimes got her in trouble. She knew on some level that she was making an attempt at saving the child she had been. While there had been no sexual abuse in her childhood Olivia knew she would have been blamed if the uncle of that month had turned his attentions to her. But her mother always kept the creeps away once she recognized them.

Her observation skills had the added effect of being able to recognize when someone around her changed even if it was slight. The changes to Alex after New Years Day were insignificant to the rest of the squad but Olivia saw them as if they were bubble lights. What she couldn't figure out was what they meant.

The second of January had been awkward. She had left Alex's apartment before the blonde had awakened. The note she left behind thanked Alex for the invitation and explained of the predawn phone call that was the cause of her exit. It felt like she was sneaking out of a one-night stand.

Then Alex had come to the station to observe the questioning of a suspect. Olivia noticed right off that Alex couldn't even look her in the eye. She let Elliot deal with the prosecutor and did her own little avoidance dance into the crib.

It took a couple days for the ill at ease feelings to fade and as they did the ever-observant detective noticed that Alex was acting different. At first Olivia thought she was imagining things. Alex wouldn't jerk her feelings around like that. Then again, Alex didn't know that Olivia was interested in her. She may have thought that it was all in good fun. Or maybe it was all unconscious.

_Right. Alex is unconsciously coming on to you_, Olivia scoffed.

Flirting would have been too strong a word for what she saw happening but over the next couple weeks Olivia was convinced that something was going on. She just didn't know what it was.

Olivia felt as if her personal space was being invaded. Every time she was working with Alex the blonde seemed to stand closer than she had before. A couple of times they brushed against each other when Alex stood too close. Alex had also taken to touching Olivia's arm to get her attention. Olivia didn't mind the contact; Alex being one of the few people she was comfortable enough with to allow it. She just found it strange that the lawyer had suddenly started initiating it.

Then there were the phone calls. Olivia had once joked that Alex was addicted to her Blackberry. Alex would text message and send e-mail ten times a day looking answers to her never-ending list of questions. A phone call was a rare occurrence. Until now. Now it seemed that Alex would call for any reason.

In the past Olivia would have brought it up with Alex but now she hesitated. She could come up with plausible explanations to rationalize her observations. The squad room and Alex's office were both cramped for space. Alex touching her wasn't really that new even if she had started noticing it more. The phone calls could be because of the constant teasing that she subjected Alex to about her Crackberry addiction. The truth was Olivia didn't mention any of it because she didn't like the awkwardness of those two days.

Olivia plugged along never once acknowledging it and at times enjoying the proximity even if she did find it all bewildering. Alex had been very clear that the kiss had been a mistake. So why was she now initiating contact, why the phone calls and why is she always standing so damn close?

* * *

**8. Coffee And More**

Alex's baffling behavior remained at the edge of Olivia's mind for the rest of the month. She wouldn't deliberately think about it but on occasion it would come roaring out and give her a V8 pop to the head. By the beginning of February she convinced herself that she needed to completely forget the drunken incident. She knew what needed to be done but the opportunity had yet to avail itself.

On the coldest day of the year yet Olivia wandered into The Daily Grind, her favorite little coffee shop that was located between her subway stop and the 16th. Just the smell of roasted espresso beans made Olivia feel a little more awake. She got in line behind two other customers, not looking at the menu and letting her mind wander in the temporary lull the wait afforded her. Once more, thoughts of Alex Cabot and January first snuck out into her daydream.

The reverie faded as she felt someone move in line behind her. Years on the street made her size up the woman who joined the queue. A snap judgment later they exchanged the strangers smile, the non verbal equivalent of "hey, how ya doin", and Olivia went back to her own thoughts.

The two in front were having trouble deciding the size of their drinks. Olivia winced inwardly when the kid at the counter foolishly asked what kind of milk they wanted with their lattes. She had been running ahead of time when she decided to stop in to get some real coffee. She checked her watch and sighed. Better pick up something for Elliot too now.

Olivia made eye contact again with the woman behind who gave her a sympathetic smile and the smallest of shrugs. Her eyes, Olivia noticed, were brilliantly green.

Feeling foolishly bold Olivia conspiratorially whispered, "There should be a rule about not taking more than 30 seconds to make up your mind once you're up there or you get sent to the back of the line."

"I've gained a few more grey hairs since I got in line," the woman chuckled.

Olivia's eyes flicked to the woman's dark blonde tresses with liberal salt and pepper strands.

"You wear it well."

"Thank you. But my vanity dictates that I have it concealed. Dessie's going to have a fit whenever I next find the time to go see her."

In front of them, Twiddledee successfully ordered her cafe mocha with 2 percent while Twiddledum was still agonizing over whipped cream or flavoring but not both.

"I like your highlights." The stranger spoke up again, complimenting Olivia.

"Thanks. I'll have to tell my stylist Raymond that someone else likes it besides him." Olivia self-consciously ran a thumb across the stubborn bangs to sweep them from her eyes.

"Oh?"

"It's a little too edgy for my taste…"

Their conversation was cut short as Olivia finally made it to the counter to place her order. They stood and waited for their drinks and the woman, in a bold little move of her own, extended her hand to Olivia.

"I'm Laney Whitmore."

"Olivia. Benson." The cop suavely stuttered. Olivia wondered why she was suddenly tripping over her own name.

"I figured we should exchange names now that we know each other's hairdresser."

Olivia could not help but grin widely at the charming woman. The conversation lasted until both had their orders in their hands. Finding the opportunity she had been looking for to move on with her love life after the non-kiss with Alex, Olivia walked out of the cafe with two coffees, a dozen donut holes and Laney Whitmore's phone number.

* * *

The best way to make an impression on your first date, which had already been twice rescheduled because of work, is to arrive early and bring flowers. This was exactly what Olivia did when she stood at the doorstep of Laney Whitmore's apartment.

When Laney opened the door, Olivia saw a woman who could definitely still turn heads anywhere she went. Her grey streaks, visible that day at the Daily Grind, were now brown highlights and the emerald dress she wore brought out her sea-green eyes.

A broad smile came to Olivia's face as she presented the older woman with a bouquet of tulips.

"These are wonderful!" Laney effused. "I have just the perfect place for them."

Laney's apartment was small and stuffed with books on every surface. Olivia caught sight of several fictional murder mysteries and a few law books she had seen before in Alex's office. Sitting under a copy of the latest Linda Fairstein novel was a book titled _The Mammoth Book of Roman… _The rest of the title was obscured and Olivia's curiosity was piqued. The detective also scanned the titles to a few textbooks as she followed Laney into the kitchen. She watched as the slender woman reached up and brought a vase down from a cabinet.

"The flowers are for ah… being most gracious and accommodating. And for still agreeing to see me after I've canceled twice now," Olivia said in an effort to make amends. She threw in a genuine crooked Benson smile for added effect when Laney turned around to face her.

"I know a few other people in the force, so I understand what it's like when you're working a case."

Olivia's face changed, pretty certain she'd never mentioned anything about the job even when she called to cancel.

It was Laney's turn to smile. She set the vase on the counter and turned to the slightly perplexed detective. "Your detective badge was clipped to your belt the other day at the coffee place. Now, shall we?"

"Ah," was all Olivia could come back with as she led the way out the door.

The evening went by quickly and Olivia found herself enjoying Laney's company. Olivia had deftly turned the conversation over to Laney after disclosing her position with SVU. There was only so much you could talk about before it became awkward, perverted, gruesome or a combination of those.

_Not with a certain ADA_, a voice in Olivia's head suddenly piped up. She ignored it and went to work on learning more about the woman sitting across from her. Laney, Olivia discovered, taught economics at Pace University and the detective seized on that.

"Any particular areas of interest?" she asked the older woman.

Laney laughed softly in an attractive contralto tone borne of age and experience.

"I've been struggling to explain what it is I do to those outside of my field. My work…" she paused, as if to give it some thought, "is about trying to understand international conflicts – war, strife, uprisings and such by using game theory to explain why people and governments do what they do in those situations."

"That would be pretty challenging to try and fit into a business card," Olivia said in mock seriousness.

"Some of us have don't have a clear job description such as your profession affords," Laney countered. "I've wondered what your business cards say."

"Well, I don't have any with me tonight but I'll remember to bring you one the next time."

"The next time? You're assuming I would like to see you again?" The professor smiled enigmatically at Olivia.

Olivia raised her water glass and tipped it towards the professor in a toast. She didn't know Laney well enough to let loose a smirk so she tried her own inscrutable look. It must have worked because by the end of the evening Laney agreed have dinner with her again.

When Olivia arrived home it was well after midnight. Her machine was blinking and she listened to the messages as she hung up her coat. Alex had called twice about this, that and nothing. Olivia listened to the messages with a small smile. Alex, like most lawyers, seemed to like the sound of her own voice. Olivia had never really noticed before since she had never minded listening to Alex ramble.

A change of clothes, a quick trip to the bathroom and check of her alarm clock and she was ready for bed. After a minute she got back up and plugged her dead cellphone with the charger. A few more minutes of laying down Olivia found herself getting up again, this time to get a drink of water.

The fifth time she got out of bed Olivia sighed. Some nights she found herself restless. Tonight, her mind was racing with thoughts about Laney. Laney and Alex. It wasn't fair, comparing the two women. Especially since she and Alex had never had that type of relationship but Olivia found herself doing it anyways.

As usual when insomnia hit Olivia pulled out her endless pile of paperwork along with her laptop. Using the couch as a backrest Olivia sat at her coffee table and began to work her way through the files. By two AM she had put a sizable dent to the pile, surfed a few websites looking for a new winter hat and scarf set and wrote e-mails to Elliot, Alex and Laney to be sent later.

When she climbed under the covers again Olivia's mind was stilled and sleep came quickly enough. Four hours later, the alarm went off blaring Eurhythmics. Olivia opened her eyes and let loose the smirk that she had kept from Laney the night before.

_Sweet dreams indeed_, Olivia thought to herself.

* * *


	6. Part 5

_Surgeon General's Warning: The content of this update may induce nausea and heart  
ache for A/O fans. The authors ask that readers keep the faith and be reminded that  
neither Alex nor Olivia does things the easy way._

_

* * *

_

**9. The Opposite Road**

Olivia jammed her hands in her coat and exited New York City's police headquarters. Just as she stepped out into a particularly windy February day her cell phone trilled. Fishing the phone from her pocket, Olivia glanced at the caller ID before she answered.

"Alex, what's up?"

"Where are you?"

The detective cringed at the snappish tone. "Ah... 1 PP. I just dropped off evidence with the computer techs," Olivia said. A million and one scenarios crept up as she wondered what disservice the SVU has done this time for her to be on the receiving end of a patented Cabot ass chewing.

"Great, you're in the neighborhood. Do you want to do lunch over at my office?" Olivia let out a sigh of relief as Alex continued, "I spoke to Fin about the rape-homicide that you two worked on and I need to go over it with you before it goes to trial next Monday."

"The Gramercy case is finally up for trial?" Olivia turned the corner and quickened her pace, "I'm on way right now if you'll order in for us," she said as she headed to the parking structure.

"Or you could stop at the place on Canal and get us some dumplings. It'll be on your way," Alex stated as if it were a matter of fact, even though they both knew that it'd be a slight detour for Olivia to go through Chinatown to get to One Hogan Place.

"I'm also staring at the Brooklyn Bridge. Would you like me to go across it to buy you some deep fried ice cream too?" Olivia teased.

"Would you?" the lawyer asked in a voice bordering on - dare Olivia think it - sultry. That was twice in one phone call that Alex had caught Olivia off guard. Before Olivia could muster a proper response Alex reverted to her usual voice and said, "Just the dumplings. I'll call them right now. See you in a bit, Liv."

Olivia was pretty sure she didn't actually agree to the arrangement but found herself happily pulling out into traffic and headed towards Canal Street.

Fifteen minutes later, Olivia was in Alex's office with their lunch spread over the coffee table. Her speedy detour was aided by Mr. How's son-in-law running the order (with extra napkins for the inevitable mess) out to her car, thus saving Olivia the need to abuse her badge and double park during noon rush hour. They prepped for the trial over fried dumplings and iced tea; Olivia answered Alex's questions in between bites and tried not to get dipping sauce on the files.

"After Detective Tutuola and I interviewed the defendant's supervisor we were able to establish that he—" Olivia stopped as her cellphone danced on the surface of the coffee table where she had left it on vibrate.

The caller ID was an unfamiliar one so she answered, "Benson."

Then the detective's features softened. "Hey, you…" she said after recognizing the caller. "Ah, I think we're still good to go tonight," she responded after a few moments. She also shot a quick glance at the ADA.

Alex could not help but eavesdrop. To her credit, she kept her eyes cast on the legal pad resting on her lap, scribbling as though Olivia's shift in tone and body language while on the phone had completely escaped her notice.

After saying goodbye with a play of smile on her lips Olivia rearranged her face and looked over at her friend.

Alex looked up from her notes and pulled off her glasses, an eyebrow slightly arched. To pretend that she had no idea what that call was about, she decided, was an insult to both their intelligence. Besides, Olivia seemed almost embarrassed about taking the call in her presence and Alex found the bashful look to be endearing. So she decided to milk the situation for a little while longer.

"So, you've found a life?" Alex said. Her demeanor was composed but her eyes told Olivia that she was bemused.

"A potential one," Olivia answered in indefinite terms. But she let the smile return to her face without attempting to suppress it.

They left it at that and went back to work. Neither of the women was aware that the other's thoughts were on Olivia's date that evening.

Twenty minutes and two Tums tablets later, Alex shoved sheaf of papers into her briefcase while explaining to Olivia that she was due at Judge Ridenour's chambers to hear Carl Kovak, part time criminal defense lawyer and full time ambulance chaser, squawk about bootstrapping and his motion to suppress evidence in a rape case against his client.

"So what are you gonna do?" Olivia asked, more for conversation than anything as she cleared the remains of their lunch off the coffee table.

Alex stopped and looked at Olivia seriously. "What I always do - win over the judge with my guileless charm and wit," she said.

Olivia chuckled at that.

"Not to tempt fate or anything," Alex said as she snapped her briefcase shut, "but I'm not too concerned about this meeting. Kovak's playbook is as predictable as Stanford's on third and long. I'll be in and out of there before you can say 'plea bargain'."

* * *

As Alex had predicted, Kovak's motion to suppress was summarily denied. That meant that the trial was to proceed full steam ahead and the ADA demolished Carl Kovak's version of the Twinkie defense in just two short days.

The prosecutor showed up at the SVU's bullpen after the verdict had been read and was congratulated by the detectives on her win. Then they returned to the business at hand with Elliot taking the lead in updating Alex on another case. At the end of it Alex was satisfied with the evidence. Confident that it wouldn't be questioned she even had a junior ADA go to a judge for the arrest warrant instead of taking it in herself.

She then suggested to the lead pair of detectives that they grab a quick lunch while waiting for the papers to be put together. Elliot passed, citing a need to follow up on another lead they had.

It would take too long for delivery to get here at this time of the day so the two of them – Olivia and Alex - decided to head out to the deli down the street. They placed their orders and Olivia insisted it was her turn to pay this time. A couple of patrol officers from the one-six were leaving and they waved Olivia over to take their place.

The pair seated themselves at what would be generously called a table by the deli's window. It was a slab of wood on four uneven legs that no amount of matchbooks could keep stable. Outside, it was a bright, cold day without a cloud in sight but sunlight could barely work itself through the dusty pane of glass in front of the store. Neither the grunged-out window nor the shaky surface seemed to bother them as they settled into the no-shop-talk mode.

Alex made light conversation as she picked at her pastrami, careful to keep the escaping onions away from her blouse. She was also careful to not machine-gun Olivia with questions about this new "life" of hers. That phone call Olivia took in her office had stayed in her mind. She tried not to over analyze the curiosity that had spawned in her about this new person Olivia was seeing and concluded that it wasn't unreasonable to want to know more. After all, this was her friend and she was concerned. Olivia didn't need another Julia. Alex was just looking out for her friend.

"Mmmff." Olivia murmured with her mouth full.

Alex smiled. "I take it that your ham and cheese is good?"

Olivia nodded and then wiped her mouth with a napkin before she spoke. "Did you finally go see _Oldest Living Confederate Widow_?"

"Yes. It was excellent."

"Great. I think I'll suggest to Laney that we go see that."

Laney. So that was her name.

Bringing up her name was like opening up the floodgates for Olivia as she began to fill Alex in on Laney Whitmore.

Alex listened intently as Olivia described the woman. The impression that began to form in Alex's mind was this: she was an older woman, apparently a great conversationalist, and an avid reader. Also, she taught downtown at Pace. Alex made a mental note to find out what 'game theory' meant. Laney also laughed at Olivia's jokes which, Alex noticed, the detective seemed particularly happy to divulge. Olivia seemed to be more at ease talking about Laney than she had been about young Julia. The blonde maintained what she hoped was a casually interested look on her face.

Olivia had stopped talking and looked at Alex several times in between bites of her sandwich. The attorney chewed slowly to buy herself some time to think of an appropriate response. This proved problematic with the knot she felt in her stomach coupled with a disproportionate resentment towards a woman she has never met.

Unfortunately, her skilled ability at directing a conversation failed her and all she could come up with was to ask questions that had Olivia sharing even more about Laney.

When she arrived back at her office Alex's mood was not as light as it had been earlier while basking in the win at court. She looked up Professor Laney Whitmore on Pace University's website. She could see just from the picture what Olivia liked about the woman. Even in the still photo the woman radiated intelligence. Her half smile seemed to reveal a quirky side, though Alex conceded she could be reading into the fact that she liked Olivia's jokes into the observation. She closed the browser with a hard jab of the mouse and sat back on her chair, attempting to clear her mind.

Harvester, the ADA she had called to issue the arrest warrant made the mistake of stopping in her office at that moment. Alex proceeded to give him a negligible dressing down for taking too long in getting the warrant signed. While it may have been inconsequential to Alex, Michael Harvester walked out of her office wondering what was stuck up that ice queen's ass.

* * *

Olivia almost growled out loud when her cell phone rang. She was preparing to meet Laney for a quick lunch before heading home to nap. She and Elliot had just finished their second day of a stake out that Olivia deemed as pointless as a t-bone steak at a vegetarian's convention. A quick glance at the number told her that she couldn't ignore it.

Five minutes later she listened to the play back song on Laney's cell. Olivia was a little surprised to hear The Doors. Laney had seemed unimpressed with Olivia's admission that classic rock was her music of choice.

"Too late, too late," Olivia murmured along with Jim. She stopped immediately when Laney's voice mail message began.

"Hi Laney, it's Olivia. Listen, I'm really sorry to cancel at the last minute but something came up and I'm needed at the house." She paused as Elliot and Munch approached her desk. "I'll call you when I get done here… if you'd like to meet before your four o'clock. Talk to you later."

"Alex already knows about this Liv," Elliot told her.

Olivia was confused for a split second then shook her head. Elliot knew about her and Alex's frequent meals, though most of them had been lunches of late. "I was having lunch with someone else."

"Oh ho. Cheating on our ADA and lunching with that schmuck from Homicide?" Munch asked.

Olivia ignored the gangly cop, refusing to rise to the bait. Besides, she had no desire to get into a conversation about cheating on their ADA; it would be all too easy to drop her poker face.

"Sounds like you canceled on a _date_," Elliot teased.

"Sounds like you have an active imagination," Olivia retorted just as the phone rang again. She glanced at it and smiled.

"Benson," she answered.

"Whitmore," Laney said in imitation but it was followed by a chuckle that ruined the effect.

"What can I do for you?" Olivia asked forcing herself not to smile too widely.

"Ah, you can't talk. Got it. Meet me at The Grind for breakfast?"

"I'll be there by seven," Olivia replied.

After she pushed end Olivia looked up to see that Alex and Fin had joined Munch and Elliot. How did I miss her arrival? Olivia wondered. She flashed the four of them a grin.

"Hey Alex," Olivia greeted the lawyer cheerfully.

"You _did_ have a date," Elliot said victoriously. The look on his face told her that she was in for some good-natured ribbing.

"Well I don't now. Let's get this over so I can sleep before the endless joy of wasting our time starts all over again," Olivia told them.

"Wasting your time?" Alex asked from her perch at the edge of Olivia's desk.

"I think Sophia Grozny is long gone and I think her depraved brother is probably in the Hudson," Olivia replied with a shrug. Seeing the looks on her colleagues faces she elaborated, "Sophia grew up in the same family he did. She'd know how to make someone disappear. Uncle Link was messing with her kids."

"That'd do it for me," Elliot mumbled.

"Any idea why Deputy Chief McGuire is so interested in Link Grozny?" Munch asked Alex.

"I would assume it's because he wants to see a murdering pedophile locked up," Alex told him.

"Assuming you know what the brasses thinkin' will get yo ass in a sling," Fin cautioned.

"Munch's right – McGuire's focused on Grozny in a big way," Olivia told her.

"Well whatever his interest we drew the short straw and get to baby-sit her empty apartment again," Elliot said as they moved toward Cragen's office for their speakerphone briefing with McGuire.

* * *

Olivia stirred in another packet of sugar into her coffee as she waited for Laney to arrive. The bruise on her cheek stung and her back was aching from the running tackle she executed during the foot chase. _Why do they always run? _she wondered grouchily. Olivia's ego had also taken a beating. Her conclusion that Sophia Grozny was long gone had been incorrect.

Twiddle Dumb and Twiddle Dumber were back for more indecision and Olivia was glad she had beaten them to the line. She caught the dumber of the two staring at her bruise and gave her a scowl. The intruder instantly averted her eyes, looking almost afraid. Then she whispered to the Dumb one. Olivia had a feeling she'd just given the girl the same look she would sometimes receive from her mother. Those were the times when her mother, sloppy from a mid-afternoon happy hour, saw Olivia's father instead of her.

Laney arrived ten minutes late, full of apologies but to Olivia's pleasure no excuses. It took the professor a few seconds before she looked at Olivia closely. When she did she stopped in mid sentence.

"What happened?" Laney asked eyeing the bruise.

"Took an elbow from a suspect. I'm fine," Olivia told her.

"That doesn't look fine to me. Are you hurt anywhere else?" Laney inquired with a voice filled with concern.

"My back hurts a little. I've got the day off. I'll go to the gym for a swim and sleep the rest of it off," Olivia assured her.

Laney didn't say anything for a full minute. Olivia wondered what was running through her head. She was beginning to get a little nervous. Her job had chased away more than one person. Then the older woman took the lid off her coffee and dipped her honey bun in it.

"Can you tell me what happened?" Laney finally asked.

"I told you that my partner and I were on a stake out last night? Well the woman we were looking for showed up," Olivia began. She kept the story tame not admitting that Laney would be seeing the entire story as breaking news by ten o'clock that morning. She told her about Sophia coming home at one in the morning, the chase through the streets on the Lower East Side, the tackle, the fight and the fact that Sophia Grozny had bitten her on the arm.

Laney switched chairs so she was sitting next to Olivia. When she took her hand the detective felt the urge to pull away. Laney lifted Olivia's sleeve until she saw the corner of the bandage. Olivia hurriedly pulled it back down and shook her head.

"Anyway, we got the warrant for the apartment and found more evidence than we needed. She's going to jail for a long time," Olivia finished. She didn't add that a second warrant for Deputy Chief McGuire's home and office had been issued when it was discovered that Uncle Link wasn't the only one messing with Sophia's children.

"What did she do?" Laney asked.

"Killed her brother," Olivia replied sipping her lukewarm coffee. Laney's brows knitted closer as she seemed to think about it. "He was a child molester," Olivia qualified.

That seemed to satisfy Laney as to why a SVU detective would be working a homicide. They sat in silence for a few minutes each working on their breakfast. Olivia was a bit grossed out at Laney dunking a honey bun in her coffee but kept the thought to herself.

"Olivia… My first class isn't until ten. Why don't we go to my place so you can relax? I've got a whirlpool in my bath," Laney told her.

"It's nice of you to offer Laney but I don't want to mess up your schedule," Olivia answered.

"Nonsense. I insist," Laney told her. Olivia considered objecting again but couldn't come up with a reason why she shouldn't spend a couple hours with Laney.

"Alright. Shall we get one to go?" Olivia asked. She looked at the counter and saw the blonde incarnation of the two stooges at the counter again. Laney followed her gaze and chuckled lightly.

"I'm afraid we don't have that much time," Laney pointed out.

They chose to walk the five blocks to Laney's apartment. Out of habit, Olivia strolled slowly, checking the area as they went. At one point a bike messenger nearly ran Laney down. Olivia saw the transplanted Midwesterner turn into a New Yorker as Laney called the biker a few choice names with a perfect South Brooklyn accent. The messenger boy must have just arrived in the city as he actually stopped to trade insults instead of riding on and offering the one fingered apology. Olivia adjusted her jacket to allow her badge and gun to peek out. The kid stopped short when his sight landed on Olivia's waist.

"Thank you," Laney said softly as the biker rode away. Olivia wasn't sure if she was being thanked for flashing her authority or pulling Laney out of the way. She just gave Laney her crooked smile, slid her arm over Laney's and they continued on.

Olivia stepped through the threshold of Laney's apartment and removed her badge and cuffs as she slipped off her coat. She dropped the cuffs in the inside pocket and clipped her badge on to it. Having no way to secure her weapon, she checked the safeties, reholstered the Glock and placed it on the coffee table.

She sank into the overstuffed sofa and stifled a groan when her back tightened. Laney offered her a bottle of aspirin and a glass of water without comment. Olivia took three and kneaded her left side hoping to loosen the muscle. Laney observed Olivia silently and then moved to sit next to her.

"Turn around," Laney requested. Olivia obeyed and was rewarded with Laney's cool hands massaging her lower back. Five minutes later, Olivia felt her muscles relax and the moan she let out was almost primal. Another one nearly escaped Olivia's lips when Laney untucked her shirt and put her hands directly on Olivia's skin.

"This feels okay?" Laney asked.

Olivia had her eyes closed and was feeling much more than okay. She managed to squeak out an affirmative answer. Laney responded by applying more pressure to Olivia's back.

A few minutes later Laney asked, "Would you think it forward of me if I asked you to take off your shirt?"

Olivia hesitated. Things were moving much more quickly then it had with Julia… faster than any relationship she had ever been in actually. Yet her reaction was to unbutton her shirt and allow Laney to slide it off of her back. Laney let out a small gasp, "Your shoulder…"

"Cement is hard," Olivia remarked matter-of-factly. The bruise she had spotted on her shoulder this morning when she tried to wash up at the station had probably tripled in size.

Laney began her firm ministrations again and Olivia was concerned that the older woman would be able to tell exactly how turned on she was getting. She decided that if asked she would claim that it was a little chilly in here. After all, she was sitting on a leather sofa clad only in her bra and jeans.

"Would you like to lie down?" Laney asked. Olivia looked vaguely at the lush sofa and realized that it was hardly big enough for the two of them to sit on let alone for her to lie comfortably.

"Not enough room."

"I… Not that I want you to think I am taking advantage of you in your injured state but I do have a bed," Laney said. Olivia felt a smirk forming.

"I'm not injured enough for you to take advantage of me," Olivia told her.

"I feel as if I'm being a little too presumptuous," Laney confessed as Olivia turned around to face her.

Olivia leaned over and kissed the professor, first gently, then with more intensity. It wasn't long until Laney was on her back with Olivia on top of her. Olivia broke off the kiss and asked, "Am I being too presumptuous?"

"No," Laney said pulling Olivia's face back down so they could kiss again.

The sofa would have been perfectly comfortable but for the length. They extricated themselves from the loveseat and Laney led Olivia to her bedroom. Olivia found a temporary home for her weapon on top of the dresser and then found herself face first on the bed. She hugged the pillow under her head as Laney massaged the kinks out of her back again. She was dozing off when Laney reached up and unhooked her bra. The position she was lying in made it difficult to remove the red lace garment so Olivia propped herself up on her elbows and let the straps slide down her biceps. She tossed it onto the chair where Laney had laid her shirt over.

Laney moved very slowly touching Olivia only on her back. This was obviously not going to be a seductive massage. Olivia wondered what Laney's hesitation was about and backed off her plan to remove Laney's shirt.

When it became apparent the massage was finished Olivia reached behind her, pulled Laney's left hand to her lips and kissed the palm. "Thank you."

Laney lay down next to her and smiled at the rumpled detective. Olivia rolled up on her side and kissed Laney's hand again. Then she placed it on her rib cage just below her bare breast. Laney looked stunned and her eyes trailed down to her hand then back to Olivia's face.

Olivia pressed up against Laney and kissed her harder than before. Laney's hand moved very slowly until it was cupping Olivia. Olivia broke off the kiss and began to nibble on Laney's neck and ear.

They lay like that for quite some time and then Laney removed her hand. Olivia kissed Laney again and the older woman snuggled against her. Olivia felt herself nodding off and did nothing to fight it.

When she woke up Laney was gone. She vaguely remembered Laney quietly slipping out from under the covers. She looked to the bedside table and there was a note left for her written in long, flowing script:

_Olivia,_

_I will be in class until five and you are welcome to stay. Help  
yourself to anything in the fridge though you'll have better luck  
with the delivery menus in the drawer by the stove._

_I'll bring home dinner unless you ring me to let me know if  
you've been called in. I believe you left a few details out of  
your account of what happened last night. I caught the news  
and while you weren't mentioned by name I dread thinking  
you were involved in that mess._

_Until later._

_Yours,_

_LW_

Olivia glanced down at the sweat pants and t-shirt that she remembered Laney helping her dress in. They were too big for Olivia and Laney probably swam in them but they were warm and comfortable. She snuggled under the covers and decided that she would ignore the beeping from her cell phone in the other room.

Her resolve lasted all of about five seconds. Olivia padded in her bare feet to find her cell. It was in the inner pocket of her jacket with her shield.

After a trip to Laney's candle filled bathroom Olivia checked her messages. Alex had called twice, leaving messages that were of concern and non-work related. Elliot had also called twice once claiming to be outside her door with lunch. She glanced at the bedside clock and sighed. The message from Cragen advising that the case had indeed been taken over by the IAB and the Major Case Squad was not a surprise. The fact that Olivia didn't care was one though.

Laney had called it a mess in her understatement. Olivia wanted nothing to do with it. A quick call to Elliot assured him that she was okay. She didn't tell him where she was and was glad when he didn't ask. Then she snuggled down in the bed and sent Alex a text to call her when she could.

Her cell rang thirty seconds later. After establishing Olivia's state of health and current location Alex let loose a rant on Arthur Branch and his Machiavellian ways. She was furious that she was not going to be the prosecutor in the McGuire or the Grozny cases - Branch had reassigned both to Jack McCoy's office. Olivia allowed her friend to growl and grumble with the occasional murmur of agreement.

Alex's biggest complaint was that her detectives had done all the work and now the team was being pushed aside. Olivia read between the lines. The case was huge and while the fiery ADA wanted justice for the five kids who had been systematically abused Alex also wanted some ink.

Olivia was too tired and aching to call her friend on it. So she just listened until Alex ran out of steam. Abruptly changing the topic she asked if Alex would like to have dinner the following night. To her surprise Alex replied by telling her she had a date with a man named Garrett.

Olivia carefully checked her reaction. It would be a serious violation of principles to be jealous of Alex's date when she was in Laney's bed. She told Alex to have fun and after hanging up she pulled the covers over her shoulders. The whirlpool would have to wait, Olivia thought as she dozed off into a light sleep.


	7. Part 6

**A/N: **_As usual, comments and thoughts are most welcome. We're beginning work on the next installment but it is proving to be a tough one. So please stay tuned and thanks for reading!_

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* * *

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**10. Fools Rush In**

Alex checked her watch as she walked up the steps of the precinct house, making sure she still had time after this stop to head home and change before meeting Garret. It has been months since her last date and she was feeling the jitters. Despite that unwritten 'no coworkers' rule and despite that dreadful evening with Sorenson from the Trial Bureau she agreed to have dinner with Garret Young the first time he asked.

As a detective investigator in the DA's office, Garret's paths crossed Alex's from time to time, especially in the earlier days before she was assigned to the special victims bureau. Secretly, he was her favorite among the group of investigators. Professionally, she liked him because he was unassuming with his work and never had a chip on his shoulder like some of the others who wished they were carrying a gold shield instead of the DA's Investigator badge. And Garret Young had an easy manner about him that made him very attractive to the opposite sex. Once, on her way to the copy machine Alex had overheard some female paralegals speculating on why none of them has ever been asked out by the handsome blond-haired investigator.

Alex suddenly realized, a little belatedly, that if they learned about this dinner date it'd be fodder for the water fountain gossips for days. It was bad enough last year during her month long suspension; everyone from the ADAs down in the office food chain had secretly referred to the episode as the Cabot Maneuver. Then getting herself thrown in jail less than a month after her return and still managing to keep her job made her the stuff of legends. For the next month or so, the office and courthouse had held their collective breaths every time Cabot drew Lena Petrovsky as trial judge. Alex figured if she could survive that, she could certainly deal with a few mouths jawing about her going to dinner with Garret.

The other reason Alex said yes to Garret was to attempt to put behind her the faux pas with Olivia that has played quiet havoc with her feelings since new years. Some days, she was convinced that it was one of those incidents you laugh off and blame the alcohol. It was a mistake that didn't need to be brought up and over analyzed. On other days, especially the days when Olivia would smile just a little wider, or held Alex's gaze a moment too long, she could not quit thinking about what ifs. What if she hadn't pulled away before Olivia could react? How _would_ Olivia react?

That line of thinking would lead her to stand closer to the detective when they were going over case files or she would place a hand on the detective's arm when pointing out a detail in a report. Behind her business as usual veneer Alex observed Olivia during these interactions and tried to gauge the other woman's reactions but she saw nothing beyond the usual geniality Olivia displayed at work with everyone.

Alex concluded that Olivia had clearly forgotten about the incident. She decided it would be juvenile to continue to fret aimlessly about a drunken peck on the lips. So she forcefully buried the emotions underlying the kiss, not only because they were the culprit to this unending circle she has been wandering in but they were feelings she did not have words for. That, more than anything else, irked the lawyer.

Alex slowly exhaled through her mouth as she rode the elevator up. She brought her mind back to the work she had to do here – brief Cragen and let Munch and Tutuola know how unhappy she was that they were about to be called on by defense counsel as corroborating witnesses.

"At least give us his name!" Alex heard one of her SVU detectives shout from the end of the corridor as she stepped out of the elevator on the fourth floor.

From the same direction of the voice came Olivia rounding the corner of the hallway, shrugging on her coat and smiling to herself. How did the simple, unconscious act of walking with confidence become so attractive with this woman, Alex absentmindedly thought.

"Hey," said Olivia when she saw Alex approaching.

"Hey."

"Did you need me?"

_Yes_. "No," the lawyer replied. She shifted her grip on the strap of her attaché case slung over her shoulder and nodded towards the direction of the bullpen. "What was that about?" she asked the cop.

Olivia slipped her hands in her pockets and said, "Munch and Elliot. They're giving me the third degree because I'm leaving on time. Those fine detective minds put together that I was going to meet someone, which led to an endless round of 'Who is he' and 'What does he do'."

Alex smiled. She would have probably asked the same questions too if she didn't already know who the detective was meeting. Alex commiserated, "It's like having older brothers you've always never wanted."

Olivia gave Alex a lopsided smile. "I let them carry on with the over protective big brother act. It's good for their egos when they think they're looking out for me."

"It's never crossed my mind that you couldn't take care of yourself."

"And it's never crossed _my_ mind that you would allow incompetent detectives to work for you."

They both shared a smile at the reminder of the lawyer's uncharacteristic outburst during the Cavanaugh case. Too many things went wrong during the investigation but the good that came out of Alex's suspension was that it had brought her and Olivia closer. Her and all her SVU detectives closer, she corrected herself.

The silence was threatening to become awkward as the two women stood in the hallway, each needing to go their own way but neither seemed to want to make the first move to depart.

Alex noticed that the bruise on Olivia's cheek was already well on the mend. When she came in yesterday at the crack of dawn, Alex had entered the squad room to find the detective sitting at her desk with a can of soda pressed up against her face. Her right sleeve had been rolled up to reveal a bandage on her forearm. The ADA had to prevent herself from asking what had happened knowing that she would be briefed in full when everyone was gathered. When she left Cragen's office, Alex's determination to not be overtly concerned had dissolved but Olivia was nowhere in sight.

As she looked at faint mark now she thought to ask Olivia about her arm but instead what came out was, "I spoke with Jack McCoy's office today. Aggravated assault against a police officer is firmly tacked to the long list of charges being brought up against Ms. Grozny."

Olivia looked impressed and Alex was pleased. The lawyer left out the part of her conversation with McCoy's assistant where she sternly assured the other ADA that if they did not have the wherewithal to bump up the assault charge and argue that Sophia Grozny's teeth would constitute a 'dangerous instrument' then the Sex Crimes Bureau would be more than happy, and able, to take the case back from them. She was certain that there would be hell to pay when Elizabeth Donnelly received word of her posturing, but she was also pretty sure that the seasoned bureau chief had been none too pleased about Branch's decision to hand the cases over to another department either.

"So where are you going with Grant tonight?"

"It's Garret."

Olivia's eyes widened, and she looked slightly abashed at her gaffe but Alex moved the subject along as though she didn't care.

"We haven't decided," Alex said. "I'm meeting him as soon as I'm done here."

The elevator behind them dinged its arrival.

"So, uh…" Olivia gestured, "Guess I should be going now."

The lawyer nodded. "Have… have a good night," Alex uncharacteristically stumbled over her words.

The pair said their goodbyes and Olivia made haste for the elevator.

Alex, however, remained rooted at the spot. She took a moment to close her eyes and gathered her wits before she walked into the squad room, not realizing that a pair of eyes had followed her until the elevator doors shut close.

* * *

Laney was already at the restaurant and waiting at the bar when Olivia arrived. Olivia walked over to the smiling woman who was dressed in a chic, understated blouse and a damask skirt. They embraced.

"You look great," Laney said after stepping back to admire Olivia's dark slacks, red blouse and black leather coat. Her sharp eyes examined the fading bruise on Olivia's cheek shrewdly. She made no comment but seemed to find Olivia's quick healing reassuring.

Olivia flashed her a smile. "Thanks. Ready to go eat?"

After they ordered, Olivia tore into the basket of bread as politely as possible. She had given up her lunch hour to spend it filling out her DD5s for the day. It was the best way to get off work at a reasonable hour. She was now ravenous; two half-stale granola bars and a bag of Doritos stolen from Elliot's stash did not make a lunch.

Olivia enjoyed the conversation as they easily slid from one topic to the next. Laney, who was originally from the tiny town of Bremen, Indiana was a huge Notre Dame fan though the only sport she enjoyed watching was skeet shooting.

That led to the topic of guns and hunting. Olivia had never gone hunting except for miscreants on the streets of Manhattan. Laney had shot her first squirrel at the age of twelve. Her older brother got a good laugh when the recoil from the shotgun had knocked her on her ass. Olivia was amused by the thought of 'outdoor Laney' and told her so.

"Yes, yes. When they make my action figure it will come with a shot gun and my thesis," Laney joked.

"Or a library card," Olivia replied remembering Laney's voracious reading habits.

"Yours would be a badge, Glock and a pair of cuffs, naturally."

"A girl needs her accessories," Olivia stated after a slight hesitation.

"What would your action figure do to relax?" Laney asked.

Olivia smirked inwardly at Laney's roundabout way of probing and nearly said something about whirlpools, massages and Laney's left hand. Instead she waved her hand over the table and said, "She'd eat!"

After running through the topic of food the conversation turned to travel. Laney was contemplating her plans for spring break when Olivia said, "I can't remember the last time I could plan ahead for an extended vacation."

"It's one of the nicer perks of tenure," Laney told her.

Olivia was about to reply when she felt her phone buzz. She dabbed her lips with the napkin as she checked the message. It was from Alex. All it said was "SOS" followed by an address somewhere in midtown. Olivia's face was inscrutable.

"Something wrong?" Laney asked.

"It's the ADA."

"You're getting called in?"

Olivia looked at the message again and felt the conflict building in her. It would be bad form to abandon date and the pleasant evening she was having but she'd made a promise to Alex and she was going to keep it. So she said, "Yes. I'm sorry about this, Laney."

"It's alright, we were about to move on to dessert. This just means I won't have to do an extra mile at the gym tomorrow as penance." Laney smiled at her.

Olivia searched the professor's face but found no hint of annoyance behind those words. Her understanding made Olivia feel an even bigger twinge of guilt to leave under false pretenses. They said their goodbyes five minutes later outside of the restaurant. "I'll call you," Olivia promised Laney as she opened the door to the cab for the professor.

"Take care of yourself," Laney said. She leaned in to place a kiss on Olivia's cheek and got into the taxi.

Olivia shut the door and watched the cab join the busy evening traffic. Then she headed towards the subway station and by the time she was in a train riding towards 50th and 8th, her thoughts were no longer on her ruined evening but on Alex.

As she walked the block and a half from the subway station to the address Alex had texted her, Olivia ran through the lines she was going to use to spring Alex from her miserable loser of a date. She chastised herself for that petty thought and entered the nondescript brownstone that housed the Italian fusion restaurant.

Before the maitre d' could fuss over her, Olivia spotted Alex... and her handsome date. A handsome miserable loser of a date, she amended. Olivia recognized him as a quasi investigator from the DA's office. Having worked with him before she wondered why Alex had agreed to go out with him. Personally Olivia had found him as exciting as stale bread. She pointed at Alex's general direction to the maitre d'; the host gave her a disapproving scowl and let her pass. Olivia put on her cop face and approached the target.

"Ah... Ms. Cabot."

Alex looked up to see a grave Olivia Benson standing by her table. She pretended to look surprised to see the detective. "I really hope that you're here enjoying the fine cuisine and you've just come over to say hello, Detective Benson," she said.

The stunning looking blonde stared at Olivia with cold, blue eyes. Olivia instinctively bristled at the intense glare.

_Oh, she's good._

Olivia looked over apologetically at Alex's date and turned back to the ADA. "Sorry to do this to you but Captain Cragen needs you to be present for the Haskell interrogation. We think he's willing to deal and we couldn't reach you on your cell. Called your office and Macy told me you'd be here."

"Remind me to thank my assistant for her helpfulness to the SVU. And this interrogation cannot happen tomorrow morning because?" Alex's question dripped with disdain.

Dammit, Alex. Quit playing and let's go already, Olivia thought.

"The ah... time sensitive nature of the case," Olivia said as she looked sideways at Garret again. "And Efren Ruiz is gonna skip town soon as he hears we're holding his buddy Haskell."

Alex seemed to give this some consideration and turned towards Garret who was patiently observing the exchange. "Garret, I'm very sorry..." Alex said. She started to rise from the table and Garret was quickly on his feet, moving over to help Alex with her coat.

The awkwardness of the situation felt by Olivia was only surpassed by a sudden desire to smack Garret's hands away and help Alex herself. She gave herself another strong reprimand about these covetous and even territorial feelings that had been building since the train ride. She stood mutely while she waited for Alex to pave the way with Garret for a gracious exit.

"I've worked with enough ADAs to know that the SVU assignment demands a certain flexibility in one's off-duty time," Olivia heard Garret say. Another considerate date, Olivia mused.

After declining an offer by Garret to drive them to the station, the two left the restaurant and by tacit agreement started walking towards the general direction of Alex's apartment.

They passed several blocks in silence before Olivia's curiosity bested her.

"So, he a momma's boy too?"

Alex smiled at that. "No."

They fell into silence again. The evening was mild and the walk was pleasant. They kept bumping into each other's sides while dodging other pedestrians. More than once, heads that passed turned back to check out the two tall, attractive figures.

"Lousy conversationalist?" The brunette prodded.

"Olivia..." the sides of Alex's mouth turned up even as her tone implored Olivia for mercy. But Olivia pressed on, emboldened by the green-eyed monster that had managed to escape and was making itself heard ever since she left dinner with Laney.

"I can't imagine that it's because he's some brutish pig. He about tipped the table over trying to help you with your jacket."

"He mentioned tonight that he's a fan of Dostoevsky," Alex said, surprising herself.

"Ah, so he's literate too. Geez, Alex, I dunno." Olivia started counting off Garret's virtues with her fingers. "Polite, smart, dresses well and plenty good looking..."

"That last one is hardly his fault now, is it?" the blonde quipped. "But I find Dostoevsky to be tediously boring."

"That's snobbery, Alex."

Alex didn't respond to the accusation right away. When she finally spoke she said, "You know… we're going to need an alibi."

"Hmm?" Olivia decided to not call Alex out on her attempt at changing the subject.

"Macy had no way of knowing where Garrett and I were," Alex pointed out.

Olivia gave Alex another glimpse of that damn crooked smile and shrugged slightly. "I don't think he's a good enough investigator to figure it out."

They stopped at a crosswalk and Alex inhaled the aroma wafting out of the bakery across the street. She took in another deep breath and smelled perfume. She looked sideways at Olivia's profile and noted that the leather jacket was one she'd never seen on Olivia before.

"You know, I was craving italian tonight."

Olivia looked at her. "What was that place?"

Alex thought for a moment, trying to come up with words to describe the molecular gastronomy cuisine and the post-modern interior decorating. "I was thinking more rustic and less..."

"Less of a butt clenching ambience?" Olivia supplied.

"If by that you mean an unduly avant garde approach to fine dining, then yes."

The two women crossed the street and as they passed the boulangerie the blonde looked longingly at the croissants through the window.

Alex turned away from the tempting pastries and continued her train of thought from earlier. "That trattoria at Park Slope we heard about from Desk Sergeant Minetti? I suggested to Garret we go there tonight. He seemed to think it was too far to go for good italian."

They were two blocks from the apartment building. Olivia's detective mind put together everything Alex had said during the entire walk but couldn't place a finger on the missing element. Her quiet pensiveness was not lost on Alex.

"Olivia?" Alex asked as the silence began to grow heavier.

"Hmm? Sorry. I was just... thinking," Olivia said as she dodged a typical hurried New Yorker at a corner. Even at this time of day, someone is always in a hurry to get somewhere.

"About what?" Alex asked hoping that it wasn't Laney.

"That our dates were both understanding about everything," Olivia answered in truth, if not the whole truth. "I need to call Laney tomorrow," she thought aloud to herself.

Alex had been so pleased to have Olivia show up that she almost forgot about the shenanigans she'd pulled. A slight pang of remorse immediately hit her.

"I realized... that is, I'm sorry I ruined your evening. I should have just--" Alex hesitated but Olivia cut her off.

"I make few promises and I like to keep the ones that I do make. It's fine, Alex."

The prick of guilt grew and Alex was caught up with conflicting thoughts on the whats and whys of the evening. She slowed her gait and Olivia matched her step. Alex had run out of excuses. She knew that the reasons she'd proffered were exceedingly feeble and would've been thrown out of any court. Just can't stop thinking like a prosecutor, she chided herself.

_Just ask me, Olivia_, Alex begged in her head. _Ask me why I really called on you tonight._

"What?" Apparently she'd missed something Olivia said.

"I said, you've got quite a list going there... about Garret."

The duo slowed to a stop, a stone's throw from Alex's building and looked at each other. As though she'd read the lawyer's mind, Olivia said, "Which one's the real reason for the ditch?"

Alex looked down for a moment and closed her eyes, searching deep within for an ounce of courage to tell the truth. She lifted her gaze and studied the woman in front of her.

Instead of words Alex stepped closer to Olivia and in one bold move showed the cop why Garret would not be on her dance card again.

If she were ever asked, Olivia Benson would swear on any holy book that she was surprised but at that instant shock wasn't the sensation that registered in her head. After a second she even gave in and kissed Alex back. Their lips brushed against each other with a familiarity that belied the fact that this was only the second time they'd kissed. The first time didn't really count anyway, Olivia thought hazily as she put her hands on Alex's hip and pulled the other woman closer.

There was no urgency in this kiss as Alex allowed herself to be drawn into the embrace. Her palms rested on Olivia's shoulders but then she moved one hand to Olivia's neck where her thumb lightly stroked the other woman's skin behind her ear. Olivia may have let out a noise, she wasn't sure.

They pulled apart when they needed air more than they needed each other. Olivia could still taste Alex's tongue and her ears felt really warm. Alex was breathing hard but Olivia looked to be more shaken of the two. The brunette blinked repeatedly as she stared, wide-eyed, at the woman who had once again rendered her completely dumbfounded with a kiss.

"That's the real reason," Alex said softly. Olivia had to shake herself to figure out what Alex was talking about. Oh, Garret. Garret and Laney. Christ.

"That's not fair, Alex," Olivia protested in a whisper.

"I know." Alex sighed. "I'm sorry. I just keep thinking about New Years and--"

"If I hadn't been out with Laney," Olivia cut her off a little harsher than she had intended, "would you have sent the SOS?"

"I..." Alex could not bring herself to admit that but her silence became an indictment. She watched Olivia, looking for a clear sign of anger or any indication that she, Alex, might have completely crossed the line. The angled streetlight cast a relief on Olivia's face and gave her clenched jaw the definition of chiseled stone. Alex thought about it but quelled the urge to reach out and touch the detective again.

Olivia stood there, as silent as the blonde. She was partly angry with Alex and partly afraid that the four hundred and seventy six different thoughts running through her head would come out all at once if she didn't keep her mouth shut. No words seemed appropriate to follow that sensational kiss. So she said the first thing that came to mind.

"Why'd you kiss me?" Olivia felt an odd sense of déjà vu with those words.

Alex looked at her friend and realized she didn't have a good answer. I think I like you? It should've been you going out to Brooklyn with me tonight for rustic Italian? I don't have an answer that doesn't make me sound like I'm back in junior high?

Instead, she settled for, "I don't know?"

"Is that a question? You don't know?" Olivia demanded.

"I wanted to know if… if it felt the same when I'm not shit faced drunk," Alex stammered out.

Olivia didn't seem to notice Alex's surprising choice of words. She only nodded, accepting the answer that acknowledged the incident that they had both been dancing around for a better part of the last three months. Yet part of her remained either unconvinced or did not want to be. She waited for Alex to continue. When she didn't Olivia asked, "So how did it feel?"

"It's..." Alex inhaled and let out a breath, "different. The same but different."

It was Olivia's turn to close her eyes to sort out what she was going to say next. She placed a hand on Alex's back and led her to the entrance of the building. They stopped again and Olivia faced Alex with a steely expression.

"I like you, Alex..." Olivia's voice wavered but she caught herself. "I mean I really do. And I know you don't share those feelings and... the things you're doing are confusing the hell out of me."

Alexandra Cabot stared at the detective evenly. "Did you ever consider that you're not the only one who's confused?"

Shaking her head Olivia said, "I can't... I won't be the one to add to your confusion. And when you decide this isn't what you really wanted anyway..." she trailed off, leaving the rest unsaid.

Olivia reached out and took Alex's hand. "Let me know when you figure it out?" She gave the hand a squeeze and let go. "Good night, Alex."

Olivia stuffed her hands in her coat, turned and walked away.

* * *

**End Act II**


	8. Part 7

**A/N: **_This is the beginning of the end... Thanks for sticking with us. We hope you enjoy this update. Give us a shout out so we know we haven't lost all of our readers. We also, obviously, would love to have feedback about the story. _~ bluebriefs & Hobbes

* * *

**ACT III **

**11. Wasted Days and Wasted Nights**

_Don't go... _Alex inwardly pleaded as she watched Olivia disappear into the night.

She fought the urge to call out to Olivia. Remarkably, a rational inner voice still existed and could still be heard amongst the roaring of impulse and desire within her. That voice cautioned her to let Olivia go and she listened.

Alex entered her apartment and forwent the soak in the tub in favor of a shower. She deliberately tried to put off the heavy thinking and completed her nightly routine on autopilot.

There were rare instances when Alex would come out of a situation not knowing if she had won or lost. And tonight it was clear to the attorney that at best, she acknowledged that she really enjoyed kissing Olivia and at worst, she had completely undone the closeness she was developing with her favorite detective in one fell swoop.

Olivia's words hung over her like the adjuration that it was – work out your uncertainties before involving me in it. She couldn't blame Olivia for drawing the line. Olivia should not have to tolerate the push and pull that Alex was feeling when Alex herself could not justify why in one moment she was going out to dinner with Garret Young and then in another she was kissing Olivia Benson senseless right there on the sidewalk.

Despite everything, Alex could not resist a small smile when she thought about the look on the brunette's face when they pulled apart after the searing kiss. The woman had looked ridiculously captivating even when she seemed gobsmacked. There were locks of brown hair that fell over her eyes but they did nothing to mute the intensity of her gaze. The surprise and arousal she saw in Olivia's eyes were quickly displaced by a harsher look, reining in the emotions that had flashed through before she realized that Alex's call for help was underlain with ulterior motives.

Alex grimaced at her own inexplicable dishonesty as she turned over the evening's events in her head. Like solving a Rubik's cube of guilt she turned over each action and spun each reasoning around, attempting to form the answers to questions she could not even articulate.

It was three o'clock in the morning when her eyes began to sting from pure exhaustion and she couldn't keep them opened. Though she was ready to fall asleep her mind still churned.

A thought suddenly occurred to her and she almost snorted. She had been worried about what the office grapevine might say about her dinner with Garret Young. Imagine what would happen had they witnessed how this evening had ended - Alex Cabot in front of her own apartment, and for all intents and purposes, making out with a coworker. One of her SVU detectives, no less. The female one, even.

God. Olivia. What the hell have I done? Tomorrow is going to be worse than the second of January, Alex thought.

The tired blonde wasn't able to ruminate on much more than that as she was finally drained of energy and adrenaline, and soon fell into a sleep that yielded little rest.

* * *

Olivia was undressed and under the covers before she allowed the entire evening's events unleash their emotional toll on her. Walking away from Alex was one of the hardest things Olivia ever had to do. It was only her sense of propriety that had kept her from following Alex up to her apartment. In a world without consequences, perhaps... but this is the real world. It had to be real since she could still feel the ghost of Alex's lips on hers. Unconsciously, she ran the tip of her tongue over her lips.

Olivia chewed on her lip as she stared up at the ceiling, searching for… what exactly, she wasn't sure. Here in the confines of her rent regulated one-bedroom apartment the jumble of thoughts and emotions ricocheted in her head like the agitated balls in a lotto machine. Olivia was confused but exhilarated, serene yet conflicted, but through all the questions and uncertainties emerged one undeniable truth – Alex Cabot was a damn good kisser.

Her stomach did a sudden flip at the thought. When Alex's thumb had caressed that sensitive spot behind her ear she'd had to fight, really hard, against the urge to grip the other woman just a little harder and push her up against the bricks of the apartment building. Olivia had wanted to find out if other parts of Alex's body were as soft and wonderful as her mouth.

Images of Alex's lips on her own body crashed through Olivia's mind unsolicited at that moment but not entirely unwelcome. She threw her arm over eyes and groaned in frustration. Not even the sordid dreams that she'd had of the lawyer came close to matching the intensity of the real thing.

Lying on her back didn't seem to bring any answers so she turned over to lay on her stomach and buried her head under a pillow. The mixed signals she had been getting from the blonde were highly uncharacteristic of Alex Cabot.

Alex always knew what she wanted and she stuck to her guns; no one would ever describe the woman as capricious. Many saw the ADA's deliberate and purposeful way as cold, calculating and manipulative. Olivia had thought much the same until the tenuous relationship that had solidified over many meals revealed to Olivia an Alex who was determined to carve out her own path, and oftentimes that path strayed beyond the long shadow cast by the Cabot clout.

After graduating from Columbia Law Alex had set out west to clerk in the US 9th Circuit Court of Appeals, wanting to prove that she was a more than competent attorney who did not need the influential judges and lawyers in her family back east giving her a leg up in the profession.

When it came time to return to New York, Alex left her then boyfriend behind in California. Garret somewhat resembled Jay... the same built, the same clean-cut good looks, Olivia thought tangentially with no small amount of jealousy. And during that inebriated new years afternoon, Alex had shared with Olivia that all her friends thought she was crazy for leaving Jason and turning down the lucrative offers from California firms to return to the east coast for a thankless government job.

But crazy or not, nobody was going to tell Alexandra Cabot what to do with her life. She was smart, self-assured and assertively independent - traits that Olivia had always found attractive in a person. Traits that made Olivia realize that her being drawn to Alex was more than just a physical pull. And following the realization Olivia had slowly gone head over heels, sinking into the pitiful pit of unrequited feelings for the blonde.

But perhaps they aren't as unrequited as she had thought. Maybe something had changed since January first, and she hadn't been imagining that Alex was being physically closer and doing all those things in the last couple months to further fuel the already acute attraction Olivia felt.

If that were true, why the hell was she on a date with Mr. All-American? Clearly Alex was not thinking straight tonight, Olivia told herself as she continued to brood. Nor on new years day, she morosely added. Olivia could not even entertain the thought that Alex may be curious about a relationship with a woman. Curiosity coupled with uncertainties lead to bad endings. Olivia was not willing to risk losing their friendship over a casual intrigue that might prove fleeting.

No, Alex would have to make the first move regardless of whatever direction it took them. With time to put things into perspective she would most likely arrive at a conclusion that would crush Olivia's heart. At which point they would agree to approach this absurd series of events as two adults and to put it behind them for good. Then Olivia could return to falling from afar.

Olivia thoughts drifted back to tonight and, knowing that it was the first and last time she would ever be that close physically with Alex like that, she committed to memory every sensation she felt and every touch she made so that they could be added to her collection of Alex Tidbits. Her reverie was suddenly shattered when thoughts of Laney came to mind.

Shit. Shitshitshitshitshit.

The invective went through her mind like a mantra.

This was going to be a long fucking night.

* * *

_Monday_

For Alexandra Cabot this day had been tremendously long. She wanted nothing more than to go home and try to work out what she was going to do about Olivia. She even considered faking an illness to have the afternoon to herself. When Garret had shown up at her office she wished she had.

His extreme consideration when their evening had ended early, his concern over her weary appearance and his hopeful request for another meeting had left her conflicted. She was grateful for his recognition that her job was demanding. She liked that he noticed her unkempt appearance, though if she were being honest with herself everyone had noticed she wasn't up to her usual standard of cool, calm Cabot today.

But she had no interest in going out with him again. Unfortunately the office gossip queen overheard Alex's polite refusal of a second date. It did not take long for the silent buzz to explode into building-wide chatter among the gossips and Alex spent part of the afternoon feeling several of the paralegals glaring holes into the back of her blouse. Alex filed a mental note to make Miss Flibbertigibbet pay by thrusting her onto a particularly ornery Donnelly when the opportunity arose. But the dirty looks were nothing compared to the veiled questions that she dodged. By two o'clock she concluded that lawyers asked too many damn questions.

By four o'clock she could no longer avoid the station house. The interview that Olivia had used as an excuse last night at the restaurant had come to fruition.

Alex entered the one-six, and for the first time in a long time hoped to not see Olivia. The detective's words had run continually through her head the night before. Alex conceded to herself that she was no closer than she had been in January in coming up with an explanation to the feelings that was drawing her to Olivia. Well, admitting they existed was a step closer she supposed as she scanned the squadroom.

Alex found Olivia sitting crossed legged on her desk, holding court, while the other three male detectives formed a semi circle in front of her on their chairs. She was reading from a file and spoke just as Alex approached. "You have got to be kidding me! Goats?"

Alex could think of nothing witty nor sarcastic about goats given a single moments notice, so she settled for the standard hello. Olivia did not look at her or even acknowledged her presence. The guys greeted their ADA as Olivia made a note in the file. She tossed it at Elliot and then finally turned to the blonde.

"Hey Alex."

"What are you working on?"

"Don't ask," Fin replied, picking up another file from a large stack on Olivia's desk. He glared, first at the writing in the file, then at Olivia who took it from him.

"Don't tell," Elliot finished. He held up the file Olivia had just handed him. "Did you give this guy a drug test?"

"That would be a violation of his civil rights. Besides he was the victim," Munch said pointedly.

"The goats are the victims. I say it's animal control's problem," Fin told them.

Elliot's brows knitted even closer in a frown as he scribbled something that looked completely illegible from where Alex stood. "How'd he end up here?"

"The desk sarge at the one-five thought it would be funny to send Mr. Shiban and his perverted goats to the SVU," Munch said.

"Perverted goats?" Alex had to make sure she heard right. One thing about being the ADA of this division - you never knew what was coming next.

"Mr. Juan Shiban is the owner of three pet goats. Completely permitted. One of the future mutton meals got loose in his Tribeca neighborhood. It was found in the questionable company of a large Siamese cat."

Alex waited for the punch line.

"Mr. Shiban wants the owner of the cat arrested. He claims that the woman enticed his innocent little angel into an unnatural relationship," Munch informed her.

"You can tell him that the DA's office refuses to press charges," Alex stated firmly as she envisioned the judge's face at arraignment.

"It would be a quick way for Petrovsky to have the state pay for your room and board for a couple days," Elliot teased.

"My thoughts exactly."

"I have at least five more comparable to that one," Olivia told them. She motioned to the new file she was reviewing. "Really Elliot, little green men molested her?"

"Impregnated," her partner corrected with a smirk.

Olivia read from the file, "Victim states she had four orgasms and wished that men really were from Mars."

"I'm not taking that one to trial either," Alex said with a slight bit of alarm.

"Martians have immunity now?" Munch asked.

"It's trash day." Fin enlightened their ADA and nodded at the other three boxes that sat on Olivia's desk.

An eyebrow crept up into an arch and Alex had to ask the expected, "Trash day?"

"Once a month we go over the open cases and toss the ones without a valid complaint."

"How far behind are you?" Alex peered at the mass of files but let her gaze surreptitiously fall on Olivia. She noticed that the detective looked about as high-strung as she was, the back of her head looking like she'd ran her hand through her hair many times today in frustration.

"This is just the last two weeks. It's been a freaky month," Fin declared with non nonplus.

Olivia handed Munch the files and asked in disbelief, "Where do these people come from?"

Munch looked down at some papers. "Connecticut," he replied.

Alex was about to say something in response but swallowed it.

"Good, you're here," Cragen said to the lawyer in greeting as he approached the group. "Let's get this show on the road. Fin, you get the honors, Haskell's waiting for you. Munch, go see Warner about the Osloinksi case. You two," – he pointed at Elliot and Olivia – "go home. Third watch is short and you're on call."

The two detectives exchanged a brief look. Alex wondered if they were silently communicating something or just sharing a look of disgust.

"Short again?" Elliot asked as Olivia stood up.

"We got four out tonight."

"How the hell did that happen?" Olivia grumbled. Cragen did not answer and offered his own silent glare before turning around and walking away. Olivia let the question slide into the rhetorical blackhole.

"What you got another hot date?" Elliot asked, eyeing his partner.

"No, it's the same hot date," Olivia shot back. Alex felt a pull in her chest but her expression never changed.

"A second date? Must be serious," Munch could not resist jumping in to give Olivia grief.

Olivia ignored him as she tossed a stack of files into an official filing box. After replacing the lid she wordlessly handed Alex a different report. While Alex read from the file Olivia surveyed the mess that was her desk, shaking her head.

"You caught Peter Jansen?" Alex asked. They had been searching for him for what seemed like months, though in reality it had only been just over a week.

"He's awaiting your special touch. We picked him up around two and his lawyer is pissed off that we didn't file the charges today," Elliot warned.

"Omar?" Alex asked guessing at the lawyer's name. Seeing Elliot's look of surprise she shrugged. "I've been dodging his calls all day."

The detective grinned. "Still angry about the Weekly case?"

"Enough that he's not getting through to my office on the first try. I'll need your other reports by noon on Wednesday," Alex told them.

"An extra day? How magnanimous of you," Elliot told her.

"I'm feeling charitable, detective. It may never happen again. Besides, a bail jumper can always wait."

"Anything else?" Olivia asked abruptly as she locked her weapon in her drawer.

"Not right now," Alex answered a little uneasily, caught off-guard by Olivia's tone.

"Page me if you need me," Olivia said and the lawyer wondered if she was imagining the edge to the words. Olivia slipped on her coat and was out the door with a quick good bye.

Alex allowed herself to briefly speculate about Olivia's plans for the evening. Probably making it up to Laney, she thought half guiltily and half in jealousy.

"Hey Alex, do you know the name of the guy Liv is dating?" Elliot asked when he was sure Olivia was out of earshot.  

"Man, let it go," Fin said from his desk. "Benson'll tell ya if she wanted you to know."

"C'mon. You've seen how Olivia's been acting. You're not curious?"

"Of course he is, but Mr. Booty Call is too suave to admit it." Munch smirked at his partner.

Fin shot him a reproachful look. "My booty calls are none of your business and neither are Benson's."

He headed off to the interrogation room, leaving behind his partner who was still smiling.

Alex almost flinched at the thought of Olivia's hands on Laney. She shook her head at the conversation and then gave Elliot a half smile.

"I plead the fifth, gentlemen." She picked up her attaché case and followed Fin to observe the questioning of their suspect.

"Cop out!" Elliot called after her retreating figure.

* * *

_Tuesday_

The tired detective closed her eyes briefly in a futile attempt at alleviating the stabbing pain behind her left eye. Olivia knew the only thing that was going to ease the migraine was sleep but since the brass frowned upon sleeping at one's desk she knew relief was not coming anytime soon.

The previous evening she had left her desk thinking about a nice date with Laney. A long, satisfying dinner, a movie or even a short walk through the park. Olivia knew she had to make up for breaking up their evening the previous night to go to Alex. She also wanted to spend some time with the older woman, whom she was undeniably attracted to, to clarify her feelings.

Unfortunately, Laney had a class to teach so instead of the dinner Olivia had envisioned they ended up with some pretty lackluster take-out from the Indian place by Laney's apartment. The fantasy she had nursed about going back to Laney's was replaced by a quick kiss as the harried professor raced off to catch her train.

After her class was over Laney had called Olivia to see if she wanted to come by for dessert. The invitation's double entendre had made Olivia smile. However, it wasn't two minutes after her second bite of the strawberry rhubarb pie when Olivia's cellphone took her from a promising late night date with Laney to the emergency room at St. Luke's.

It had taken all of Olivia's patience as she witnessed the rape kit being done, spoke to the overwrought mother and attempted to take Geary Janowski's statement.

Getting the traumatized teen to talk was next to impossible even in the observation room with its door shut from the highly trafficked emergency room. Olivia had gently teased bits and pieces of information out of the girl, speaking in soft tones and observing every movement Geary made even when she refused to answer the question posed. Out of the corner of her eyes, the detective had watched the mother pace in the background while Geary slowly began to withdraw into herself and rebuffed Olivia's attempt at getting anything else from her.

The ER nurse had pulled Olivia aside and informed her that the exam had revealed long term abuse. Olivia's gut feeling told her then that she had enough to bring the mother in for some quality time in the SVU's interrogation room.

Mrs. Janowski was no hardened criminal and Olivia had a confession long before the cleaning crew was done and day shift could come in. The fact that Geary needed an advocate added two hours to the whole process however. Instead of going home, Olivia sat at her desk to write her report.

Geary's mother not only knew what her husband was doing but she had facilitated his actions. Olivia seethed inwardly as she detailed how Terry Janowski had admitted to holding her daughter down while her husband raped the girl. She actually started to cry on her way to the holding cell and plaintively asked if her husband had to go to jail. Olivia's insides roiled when she realized Terry was crying not out of guilt but for having implicated her husband.

After turning her work into Cragen's inbox she left and was at Laney's door with breakfast and coffee. As she stood there she wasn't even sure why she was trying so hard with Laney. She viciously punted that thought away, not caring where it landed and distracted herself by making conversation with her sleepy-eyed but grateful girlfriend who had classes again this morning.

Afterward, Olivia found her way back to her desk where she dove into the task of completing more paperwork. She decided to call it a morning when her brain was unable to form coherent thoughts when she wasn't staring at the freak files. She got up to kick Elliot out of the crib and as they were making their way downstairs Cragen stuck a head and shoulder out from his office door.

"If any of you need something from the DA's office today you need to call…" Cragen tipped his head back and glared at the scrap of paper in his hand. "Someone in Cabot's office named Harvester."

Olivia felt her gut clench with a slight panic. Where the hell was Alex? She wondered. All of a sudden the extra day on the Jansen reports suddenly made more sense and Olivia went from panicked nausea to anger.

"Nice. We work through the night and Cabot takes a damn day off," Elliot grumbled, echoing her own thoughts.

"Shoulda went to law school," Fin told him and tossed another case file onto the worn out detective's lap.

Olivia stood standing and glowered at the pile of files on her desk with an intensity that matched the level of pounding her head was feeling. To top it all off, her brain had started lobbing back those thoughts she had been trying to put away all morning long. She muttered to Elliot about needing an hour and made her way back to the crib. Sleep came quickly but so did the dreams, flashes of images that she would not remember when she woke up but kept her tossing and turning on the uncomfortable mattress.

As usual, Elliot came to wake her when they caught a fresh case. This time, he even brought real coffee along with him. Olivia was grateful that her partner knew her so well. The headache remained as they made their way to the crime scene but Olivia went about her job without complaint. Some days, it's all just garbage.

* * *


	9. Part 8

**A/N: **_We're finally back with an update. It's been a long time. No excuses. We apologize for the wait. Please enjoy. Remember that feedback and comments make our day._

* * *

**12. Manifest**

_Early Tuesday Morning_

Alex felt the chill of the hardwood floor beneath her feet as she padded along a darkened hallway of the modest two-storey colonial house. She shuffled towards the fireplace in the living room, the only source of light in the dark hours just before daybreak.

She crossed the ornate threshold and found, in the chair she had earlier vacated to use the bathroom, a striking blonde woman keeping warm under a blanket. The woman looked up at Alex and gave her a sleepy smile.

The clock by the large window bay quietly chimed, announcing to the pair that it was half past six. A dog twitched in protest of the clock chiming. The mixed breed lab was asleep at one corner of the brick fireplace and its brown coat of fur glowed from the firelight.

Too early in the morning, Alex thought as she stood over the other woman, with her hands crossed over her chest. The borrowed robe she had on was a delicate silk number and while roaring fire kept the room considerably warmer than the hallway, she still felt a chill running through her.

Victoria Brewer closed her eyes and ignored Alex's questioning posture.

"You're in my seat, Icky," Alex said, purposely using the hated childhood nickname.

"_Your _seat? It's my house. There's plenty of room on the couch." Vicky waved Alex off with a brush of her hand.

Alex caught the hand and held it tight as she sat down next to Vicky. A brief struggled ensued that ended with Alex dumping Vicky to the floor in a manner that only an older sibling could.

The lawyer sat with a triumphant smirk playing at the corner of her lips. She looked at her younger sister who was splayed out on the hard, wooden surface.

Vicky laughed good-naturedly as she first sat, then slowly stood up. "We're getting too old for rough housing, don't you think?"

"According to Mom we've been too old for years." Alex watched as Vicky contemplated retribution but then opted to sit on the couch, just out of arms reach.

"So Alexandra, what brings you to my door step?"

"I need a reason to visit?" Alex asked.

"No, but you usually have one. I don't think you're hiding from Mom and her lectures on the state of your love life since this is the first place she'd look," Vicky said.

Alex cringed slightly. Their mother was of two minds. Alex was wasting her youth and prime by choosing job that had turned her off of having a husband and children. Vicky, on the other hand, had given up a wonderful career to play in the dirt with her husband. She did spoil the grandchildren though.

"I was in the area," Alex explained.

It was not a lie. Alex had been invited by Barry Moredock, her former professor and current adversary, to guest lecture in his Con Law class on the topic of constitutional standards in the criminal procedure.

"Uh huh. Your lecture was last night. You would've had plenty of time to get back to the city afterwards. So, explain why you took a day off and are loafing in my living room."

Alex had accepted Barry's invitation weeks before but taking the next day off was a last minute decision. The plan was to have a day away from work, and more importantly, a day away from Olivia, to figure out what the hell was going on.

"My calendar was clear," Alex told her sister. "Maybe I wanted to spend some time with my niece and nephew."

"I'm sure you do. Got any new tricks to teach them?"

"Tricks?" Alex tried to play innocent but was failing miserably.

"Like teaching Gus to plead the Fifth every time I ask him something? Or maybe teaching Kyla to shout OBJECTION when I ask her to do her chores?"

"Really?"

"No. Gus says he _pleases_ the Fifth."

"I'm not the only lawyer in the family," Alex pointed out, amusement clearly written on her face.

"True, but Uncle Jim would have them yelling OVER RULED when I try to discipline them," Vicky said with a roll of her eyes.

"Discipline? Those angels?"

"They have Cabot blood," Vicky said simply. It had been their mother's answer for the behavior they had displayed during the sisters' collective teenage years. "Good try with the diversion by the way. So why are you here, big sister?"

After a moments thought Alex said, "I need some advice."

"Okay. You better get a move on if you want to have this conversation before the kids get up. Gus wakes at seven fifteen every day," Vicky said.

Alex stopped short in each of her next three attempts at speaking. She snuck a peek at the clock and decided that half an hour was long enough for an explanation. Hopefully.

"I've met someone," Alex finally confided.

"Mr. Right?" Vicky asked her eyebrows shooting up.

"Not exactly. We work together and it's kind of complicated."

"Okay. I thought there was a no coworker dating rule," Vicky said when Alex stopped speaking.

"That's my rule. Besides, they don't work in my office. We only work together." Alex bit her lip and examined the nails on her left hand. She was going to play the pronoun game in an attempt to delay the inevitable.

"You got a new detective?" Vicky asked, trying to hold back the excitement in her voice. Alex had told her about the police detectives she worked with soon after she started with SVU. There wasn't even a potential in that lot. Well… maybe Fin, Vicky mused.

"No. I…" Alex fell silent again, unable to finish her thought.

"He's married?" Vicky was getting impatient at her sister's delay tactics.

"If you would quit interrupting me." Alex growled.

"If you would quit stalling!" Vicky countered.

"OKAY! _She_ is one of New York's finest," Alex snapped.

Then it was Vicky's turn to be silent. Alex sighed and sunk into her seat.

"Wow. Seriously?" Vicky finally said.

"Yes."

"Wow."

"You already said that," Alex pointed out dryly.

"Can I be there when you tell Mom?"

"Vicky!" Alex half groaned.

"Sorry. I just… So you've hooked up with Detective Benson. What's the problem?"

"I've not hooked up with Olivia. I'm… confused about my feelings," Alex admitted.

"Okay, so tell me what happened," Vicky said, offering her sister the opportunity to get it all off her chest.

Alex pulled the blanket snug over her body. She began the story from new years day, hitting the highlights and the lowlights. Vicky noted the way Alex's posture changed when she talked about Laney Whitmore.

Alex had barely finished her story when Vicky swiftly declared, "You're being territorial, Alex."

"I am not!" The lawyer exclaimed.

"Are too. If you were in kindergarten you'd be pulling at her pigtails and making her cry. You've always been territorial."

"Give me one example," Alex demanded.

Vicky pointed to the chair they had scrapped over. "You had to have that seat. You always sit there. Always. And the blanket. You dug it out from the bottom of the pile, Alex. You always use it."

"Habitual maybe but not…" Alex began but Vicky cut her off.

"You used to shut your bedroom door, even if you were going to the bathroom. You wouldn't even let Mom drive your car. And you had a fit when Heather Weston wanted to include me in your nights out."

"Heather was my friend not yours," Alex said sulking as she defended her adolescent self.

"Exactly. And now you're doing the same thing with Olivia. Sending her that text message just because she was out with Laney? Why'd you go out with Edna in the first place?" Vicky asked.

"Edna? Garret… ha ha. Your age is hanging out."

Vicky stared at Alex with a look that said she wasn't about to let her get away without answering the question.

"I thought he was a nice guy," Alex said with a short shrug.

"Lemme guess. Garret's slightly above average in height, in gym shape, wears his suit well but would be just as comfortable in jeans. Polite, mildly humorous and about as thrilling dish water?"

Alex was a little surprised at Vicky's description. That would have been just about how she would characterize Garret herself. "You know Garret Young?"

Vicky sighed in frustration at her sister's obliviousness. "I wasn't describing Garret. I was describing Jay! Every guy you've seen in the past five years has been a boring imitation of Mr. California," Vicky stated glaring at Alex who had began to smirk. She stopped Alex from winding her up even more when she asked, "Is Olivia?"

"Is she what?"

"Dreary, conforming and irritatingly polite? What's she like?" Vicky said after Alex shook her head.

"She's… intense. Smart, and funny. Beautiful," Alex said ruefully.

"Not a Jay-Clone. I'd call that progress."

Alex frowned and then Vicky stopped her cold with another thought. "She's not falling all over herself to impress you though, is she?"

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, come on, Alex. You've never found yourself not being pursued. Every guy, every crush in high school, every college man, Jay, Nathan-- even that twit Trevor jumped when you showed the slightest bit of interest. You've had it easy, big sis! But Olivia isn't falling under your charms, is she?"

"My what?" Alex stared at Vicky as if she was channeling John Munch in his most befuddling conspiracy mode.

"Have you dropped little clues? Standing closer to her, touching her to get her attention-- Never mind, your face is as red as a Better Boy in August." Vicky smirked at the sight of Alex's complexion flushing crimson. "How'd she react?"

"She didn't."

"Ouch. Must be tough when the tricks fail you," Vicky said and the smirk turned into a smug grin.

"Stop it, Vicky," Alex snapped.

Vicky raised an eyebrow at her sister. Harassment about potential relationships was nearly a sport between the two of them. The only time she could remember it being an issue was with her husband Tanner. The two sisters sat in silence after that.

"So… you like women now too?" Vicky finally asked.

Alex gave the question consideration before she answered truthfully, "Just this one."

"Then why did you go out with Garret? Hoping she'd get jealous?"

"Maybe. I don't know. She called me on it…" Alex grimaced at the memory. "She wanted to know if I'd have done it if she had not been out with on her date."

"So you used Olivia…" Vicky watched Alex slink deeper into the chair. "Was he really that bad?"

Grateful for the subject detour Alex began a mini rant, "He was trying too hard and in the wrong way. He opened doors, held my chair, escorted me across the street. He took me to this Italian place…"

"Gosh Grandma what big flaws you have," Vicky teased. Alex threw her the same look she gave defense attorneys when she was about to crucify their clients.

"He was clueless," Alex muttered.

Vicky ignored Alex and pressed on. "So if Olivia hadn't been out with Laney would you have suffered through the date?"

"No. Maybe. He was a nice guy. Who turned out to be just about as exciting as the ficus in my living room."

"Hopefully more alive," Vicky quipped. She felt pity for her sister, who seemed to be completely clueless in dealing with her feelings for this woman. Olivia Benson must really be something. It was time to lay out the truth in plain words for the lawyer. "You're just being pissy because Olivia isn't jumping high enough."

"It's not like that," Alex objected.

"How is it then?" Vicky asked.

"It's been different... from anything I've felt for anyone I've ever dated. And that's completely understating the situation. And the fact that she is a woman isn't even the sticking point."

Vicky was silent for a moment, parsing Alex's words. "How is it different?"

"It's just... I have met many interesting men and had some great relationships." Alex glared at the eye rolling. "It wasn't difficult to tell if they were interested and everything seemed so..."

"Straightforward?" Vicky offered.

Alex smiled despite herself. "Yes. They were uncomplicated... in comparison."

"You don't know if Olivia's interested is what's different?"

"Yes. No. I mean…" Alex vacillated. "She said something after..." after the kiss that rocked my world, she wanted to say but decided that that bit of information was not requisite of the explanation. "She said she wouldn't be the one to add to my confusion."

"Mommy..." Two heads turned to the small voice calling out from upstairs. Gus was awake.

Vicky sighed and turned back to Alex. "Gus is going to need help getting ready for school. The boy takes his hygiene very seriously. I'll make this quick. You are jealous and you _are_ being territorial with Olivia. If you were a meerkat you'd be smacking your little tail all over her desk to mark your territory!"

"... Meerkat?"

Vicky shrugged. "Kyla likes Animal Planet. I only share what I know. And if you were Harrison," she motioned to the mutt laying on his back by the fireplace with his legs in the air, "you'd--"

"I get the point!"

"I'm sure you do. It's no wonder you're confused, Alex. Your instinct is to mark her as yours but you want her to chase you--Okay, okay, court maybe, not chase." The younger sister backpedaled hastily when Alex began to scowl. "It's always worked with the men you liked. Drop a hint and watch them start sniffing your-- OW! There's a no hitting rule in this house."

"You're being unnecessarily crude," Alex said haughtily pulling the covers back up.

"MOMMY!" Andrew Gustaf Brewer called out again.

Vicky stood up, still rubbing her arm. She looked at her sister with love and sincerity. "I'm being honest, Alex. I think you need to decide if you really want her enough. Laney be damned. Chew on that while I prepare his highness for a day of Montessori molding."

Vicky walked out of the room leaving a very floored Alex Cabot.

Alex didn't have much time to think before her niece and nephew discovered her presence. Breakfast was a production and neither of the kids wanted to go to school. After many assurances that she would still be there in the afternoon Kyla reluctantly trudged off to the bus stop and Vicky ran Gus to his kindergarten.

Alex took the opportunity to shower and grab a second serving of homemade blueberry pancakes. Tanner, Vicky's husband, kissed Vicky and then Alex before disappearing to his lab behind the greenhouse, still wearing his flannel pajama bottoms and an ancient Stanford t-shirt he had stolen from Vicky, who had lifted it from Alex.

Vicky conscripted her sister to dish washing duty while she dried and put them away. They chatted about other things and Alex let Olivia drift to her subconscious. Alex got the low down on their mother's latest distressed inquiry on her marital status. In turn, she informed Vicky about their mother's wish for five more grandchildren. Vicky sputtered and threw the washcloth at Alex when she saw the telling smile.

"For a lawyer you're a shitty liar, Alexandra."

"Yeah? For a successful business woman you live in the dark ages. They have these things called dishwashers you know."

"Oh, like you eat at home. Have you learned to cook?" Vicky asked already knowing the answer.

"No pot, I haven't. I noticed that Tanner makes a killer breakfast," Alex replied.

"Hmm, there's a thought. Can Olivia cook?"

"She's not Benny but I think she gets by," Alex said.

"Chef Benny…" A look of reverence crossed Vicky's face as she thought about the Cabot family's chef. "Now there's a reason to visit mom," she said with a grin.

"And to announce the impending birth of your triplets," Alex answered with a small chuckle as she handed Vicky the last dish.

When Vicky left to prepare the greenhouse to be opened to the public Alex returned to her favorite armchair and settled down to work, grumbling at the fickle internet connection. Her mind slowly slipped back to her issue with Olivia.

It didn't take much thought at all to realize that Vicky was right. She was being territorial and she had no right. If she hadn't been so indecisive about it she would not have let the New Years kiss go as a drunken mistake.

She should have sat down with Olivia at that time and had a serious conversation. Like an adult, Alex thought miserably knowing that Vicky had left that part out of her assessment. Alex was being territorial as well as childish. She may not be ready to take her relationship with Olivia to a different level but that didn't give her the right to sabotage what Olivia could have with Laney. Alex cringed, though she wasn't sure if it was because she was thinking of Laney or because she was admitting to her own duplicity.

She thought about Olivia's words again, for the thousandth time now. Inevitably her decision on what to do came to rest on thoughts about Olivia's future with Laney. What good would it do them if Alex admitted that she was slowly but surely falling in love? Olivia was already sending a clear message by still being with Laney, wasn't she?

Alex didn't like the look Olivia got on her face when she spoke of the professor. Olivia was serious about Laney and all Alex could do was watch. Watch and feel like she was losing the best thing that never happened to her.

* * *

_Wednesday_

Olivia couldn't decide which was worse, the pulsing ache in the middle of her back or the tight knot that was her stomach. Both had been caused by the same event; yet another night on call to cover the third watch. She had spent four hours crouched down next to a stoop on a townhouse in Chelsea attempting to calm and lure a six year old girl out of her hiding place. The girl, who had been attacked by an older neighbor boy, wasn't having any of it. After finally getting the kid to come out, she had spent the rest of the night at the hospital.

At eight a.m. she was at her desk downing the last of her third cup of coffee. The caffeine boost wasn't working. Neither was the running mantra in her head that sleep was an overrated experience. What she needed was a good solid ten in her own bed. Since the chances of that happening were slightly less than that of Bin Laden walking through the squad room doors to surrender she just fixed another cup of coffee and returned to her report on Peter Jansen.

Not too far from where she was struggling to stay coherent sat Elliot who was only slightly more awake. Olivia had waited until she got the little girl into the ambulance before making the call to her partner, interrupting what was definitely not sleep.

Elliot watched Olivia out of the corner of his eye and was about to suggest she catch a few in the crib when he heard the telling click of heels on the squad room floor. Olivia had heard it too, judging by the way she stiffened, but neither of them looked up.

"Good morning, Detectives," Alex greeted them.

"Morning," Elliot returned with a telling emphasis on the missing 'good'. Olivia murmured something that her partner suspected was profane.

When she realized that nothing more would be forth coming Alex looked between the two cops and said, "I haven't received your paperwork on Jansen."

"Is it noon already?" Elliot asked, wide-eyed and still not quite looking at the ADA.

"Not quite, but I need to file and I can't do that without--"

"It's not the only thing we have on our plates!" Olivia snapped. Both Elliot and Alex looked equally surprised when Olivia cut the lawyer off.

"You don't believe Jansen to be a priority?" Alex seemed to be taking exception to Olivia's tone.

"He was until the phone rang," Elliot jumped in.

"I can't do my job unless you do yours. If I don't get the paperwork filed today that statute of limitations will..." Alex trailed off as Olivia again muttered under her breath. Without another word, Olivia got up from her desk and left the bullpen.

"We're aware of the deadline, counselor," Elliot said as Alex moved to follow Olivia. Alex could only nod at him before she hurried out after Olivia.

When she entered the restroom she found Olivia hunched over the sink rinsing her face with cold water. Alex frowned with concern at the state the detective was in. Olivia Benson was usually very well put together but today her shirt was untucked and she had missed a belt loop on her jeans. Alex couldn't recall ever seeing Olivia in faded 501's.

"Olivia, I need that report." Her voice was less demanding this time, more uncertain.

"And I need a hot bath and couple hours of sleep." Olivia looked at the lawyer's reflection in the mirror and snarled, "Bet you get yours first." She ran her wet hands through her hair.

"Can we not be flippant about this? Jans..."

"Rapist, torturer and all around scum of the sewer. Going to walk if you don't file charges on him today. Got it," Olivia told her with a slight roll of her eye.

"You don't seem to be taking this very seriously," Alex replied, the Cabot edge returning to her voice.

Olivia counted to ten. Alex had not used that tone with her in a long time. She really did not want to take off Alex's head no matter how obnoxious and condescending the prosecutor sounded at this moment.

"Did you know that the third watch is so short I pulled a double that's quickly becoming a triple? If I'm lucky they'll call again tonight so I can work forty eight straight? You said noon, you'll have the report by noon," Olivia said with finality.

Damn it. She didn't want to pick a fight with Alex but the well-rested lawyer was pissing her off just by standing there. Standing there as if nothing had happened. Olivia didn't want to admit, even to herself, that all she wanted was to grab Alex by the lapels of her pinstriped suit jacket and put her up against the wall. She wasn't sure if she wanted to interrogate, yell at or kiss her until neither of them could move.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"Yeah, well, it's not our fault you took off midweek for a mini vacation and it didn't get done before you left," Olivia grumbled with more than a little resentment.

"Excuse me?"

Olivia closed her eyes and counted to twenty this time before she attempted a response. "We arrested him the day before you left. You could have filed the charges then. We would have worked late if you had stuck around. You could have passed it off to another ADA. I have seven actives, three cold and a brand-new case that also need my attention. I said I will have it to you by noon so, _please_, don't ask again," Olivia said, failing to reign in her exasperation. She walked out of there before the tirade turned into something uglier.

"That almost made sense," Alex said to herself after the restroom door finished shutting behind the detective.

Olivia was not in the squad room when Alex walked across to Cragen's office. The Captain's mood wasn't the best either and his face was almost purple when she suggested that Benson and Stabler be given a break.

"You really want to help maybe you should get your boss to let the Chief of Detectives know that it wouldn't kill him to replace the three we lost on the third," he snapped, effectually dismissing her from his office. Alex Cabot left the station house feeling as if her ass had been chewed on by a rabid dog.

* * *


	10. Part 9

**13. Hits And Misses**

It was around noon when Cragen walked into the observation room and found Elliot, Fin and Munch crowding around the one-way mirror. All three men were clutching in their hands sandwiches in varying stages of consumption.

"I wasn't aware that this place had turned into a VIP box at the Garden," he said. Cragen directed his next statement to Elliot. "And why aren't you in there?"

"Olivia said she wants a shot at this one alone." Elliot didn't take his eyes off the scene going on in the other room as he spoke. "The schmuck thinks he got picked up on possession and she thinks she can make him cop to the assault if she sweet talks him a little."

Cragen turned his attention to Munch and Fin. "And the two of you have nothing to do?"

A crashing sound from the interrogation room interrupted him and the four men turned just in time to see the suspect, Jamal Burton, be introduced face first to the steel table. Olivia's hand hardly fit around the back of the man's neck. Cragen didn't flinch, but he did wish for his bottle of Pepto as his stomach roiled.

"Show's over," Cragen resumed and handed Fin a slip of paper. "A body was found behind a dumpster with signs of possible sexual assault. This is the address where the M.E. will meet you."

Fin took it and his partner read over his shoulder.

"Ah... 39th and 10th Avenue, a hamlet of infested working girls and shady characters. The perfect way to bring joy and sunshine into our day," Munch commented sardonically. He tossed his unfinished sandwich into the trashcan and followed Fin out.

After the duo left the room Cragen spoke up again. "I hope you read him his rights."

"Don't worry, Cap. Idiot even signed the waiver."

Cragen pursed his lips and moved closer to the mirror. They listened in as Olivia told Jamal they're just waiting on some files. She then casually asked him about the girls he was with when they had arrested him earlier for possession of a couple of dime bags. Olivia acted as if she didn't just have him eating rusty metal two minutes ago.

Jamal, in an equally surprising move, seemed to think the worst was over and was more than happy to tell Olivia about his girlfriends, not realizing that they were there to get him for assaulting his wife.

"We may have a winner for idiot of the year," Elliot said in amazement after watching Jamal make a pass at his partner. Olivia began to sneer as she stared at the man.

A few minutes later Cragen said, "I want this whole thing to be clean. I'm two outs and down on the count with the ADA as it is. If he talks and the confession is tossed out on some technicality, it's not going to be my ass on the line."

Elliot's eyes squinted as he watched the scene in the box. Olivia was picking up speed. She leaned across the table and spoke in a menacing tone. She jabbed her finger at the stack of evidence photos of the damage Jamal had inflicted on Licia Cleveland, his wife. Something wasn't right. They had agreed on a plan, but Olivia looked like she just abandoned it.

The moniker 'Bad Ass Benson' had been earned when Olivia was in uniform. Elliot had never managed to weasel out of his partner exactly what transpired for her to earn the name but over the years he's had the pleasure of watching her refine the attitude and act. He could see that she wasn't playing with Jamal.

In a flash of movement, Olivia had jumped up and was in Jamal's face. If the situation hadn't been as tense Elliot would have probably marveled at the way Olivia towered over the seated six-foot-and-change Jamal, who had an easy fifty, sixty pounds on her. Jamal's hackles rose when she called him a 'prickless sonofabitch'.

"You better get in there."

Elliot already had his hand on the door before the last word left Cragen's mouth.

He entered the room, rolling his sleeves up and walked over to stand on the opposite side of Olivia, crowding Jamal Burton. He had no choice now; he dumped the good cop act and played off the emotions running in the room. The two cops proceeded to double team the suspect with Olivia taking the lead.

After a uniformed officer led Jamal away to be processed, the pair of detectives stood in the interrogation room. His arms crossed over his wide chest, Elliot waited for his partner to explain herself. Olivia mirrored his stance when she turned to look at him. They said nothing to each other for a long time.

Elliot knew that, like him, Olivia was tired and on edge with work being so shitty for the last couple of weeks. Just a little while ago she had been all but ready to castrate Jamal Burton, given half an excuse. And earlier, Olivia had rowed with their ADA. He didn't actually see the exchange but Elliot was willing to bet his paycheck that his partner had given the lawyer a good piece of her mind after an indignant Alex followed Olivia out of the squad room.

He had wondered if something else besides the job had been causing the strain on her. Like this person she's been going out of her way to keep seeing through this hellish period.

Elliot would never pry, but he was no stranger to the way personal life affected the job, nor was he blind. All of the other times when work had clashed with personal time, Olivia had never been so motivated to call and reschedule her dates. Elliot had never even seen his partner work through lunch hour just to cut out early to meet someone before this last Sunday.

Something was different with this one. And Olivia was acting as if it was the best and worst thing happening. But after five years of life and death with the woman he realized that he was not going to get anything out of her right this moment.

The buffer of silence had come to an end and Olivia walked away first. Elliot rubbed a palm over his face and trekked after her. If they could get through the remainder of today unscathed he would see if she was up for hitting Maloney's after.

* * *

Later in the afternoon it started to pour down rain over the island of Manhattan. Alex had turned on all the lights available in her spartan ADA office. She looked out the window, out to the limited view the second floor of Hogan Place afforded her. Then she glanced over at the clock... it was getting close to the end of the business day. And what a day it has been.

Driving back from her sister's late last night Alex had mentally prepared herself for the distant, professional demeanor Olivia had adopted. Alex had expected getting the cold shoulder from her friend. She was willing to play along for the sake of keeping the peace. For now. It was obvious that neither of them could pretend anymore that if they ignore it hard enough the pull between them would fade away.

As she headed to the squad room earlier Alex had felt her insides began to tangle themselves into knots from the thought of facing Olivia, and she had retreated to an all-business mode in an attempt cover up any physical evidence of her weakness. What she had not anticipated was being on the receiving end of a scolding for having taken a day off.

The lawyer sniffed a little aggrievedly recalling the whole incident. It was not as though she wielded any authority over NYPD human resources. Don Cragen's department was short handed and the promise of springtime in New York City seemed to lure animals as well as criminals out of hibernation.

Looking at the clock again, Alex decided that the draft of this trial brief could wait. She slipped some papers into her attaché and then checked her email one last time. To her infinite surprise, there in her inbox was a message from Olivia Benson. Alex lowered herself back onto her chair with a frown creasing her forehead.

The message was perfunctory and official. Typical of Detective Benson. She wrote that there would be a couple new DD5s awaiting the ADA tomorrow, and inquired if the paperwork for Jansen (which they had indeed gotten to her by noon) were copasetic. It ended a p.s., _'Lunch tomorrow?'_

The frown on the attorney's face disappeared and her lips pulled involuntarily into a smile at the olive branch being extended by Olivia. Alex picked up the phone and dialed.

"Benson's phone." A gruff voice came over the line.

"Elliot. Hi." Alex said with surprise.

"Olivia stepped away from her desk and left her cell. I saw you on the caller ID and figured it might be important."

"Actually, it's... nothing. I just wanted to call and let you guys know that I appreciate the work the two of you did for the Jansen case. I've filed the paperwork and the grand jury won't have any problems indicting."

"Just doing our jobs, counselor. I'll let Olivia know."

Alex put the phone down and sighed. If she was going to meet Tracy Ng for dinner in this rain, she'd better get a move on.

Back at the 16th precinct, Olivia came back to her desk to see her partner looking at her meaningfully.

Elliot nodded at the cell phone lying by the blotter. "Cabot called your cell. I thought maybe she wanted to register a complaint about a typo on the fives so I answered it."

"Yea?" Olivia said non-committedly. Elliot was probably trying to run interference in case Alex was still looking for a fight.

"I think the ADA was trying to apologize and say thank you at the same time but couldn't figure out how." His mouth quirked into a grin and the glint in his eyes told Olivia that he'd already forgiven Alex.

Olivia grunted and shuffled papers around, clearing her work surface as best as she could while avoiding Elliot's gaze.

Elliot watched her silently, as if seeking for the right moment to broach the subject of her irritability. She went to her locker and swapped out her gear. He read her body language and realized little had changed since they came out of the interrogation room hours ago. "You headed out?" He finally asked.

"Yea." She shrugged her jacket on before turning to her partner. She looked at him warmly. "Goodnight, El."

"See you tomorrow," he replied, somewhat in defeat.

"Bright and early," she called back, already out the door.

Olivia was a block from the station house before she took her cell phone out and hit the speed dial for Alex's number. She wasn't sure what she was going to say but decided that they have to talk. It had only been two days but this... whatever this is, the ambiguousness between them, on top of everything else was wearing on her.

She wanted to be able to look at Alex in the eye again without wondering if they were going to be distant to each other or bicker about some stupid paperwork. They had fought over cases before but there were always concrete reasons to their disagreements. This morning, whether or not they both wanted to admit to it, had been the result of personal feelings tumbling over and that was not good.

The aloof act was not working, and taking out her frustrations at the lawyer was definitely not helping. She was going to have to find a solution to this stalemate because Olivia really didn't know how to act anymore. It was simply unrealistic to pretend that they did not at least have a friendship. A return to that would be preferable over this dysfunction.

Alex's voicemail picked up so Olivia disconnected the call. Whatever it was that she was going to say, it would have to wait. She continued walking under an ever-darkening sky. The rain clouds above were making a slow trek eastward. It was going to be a wet journey home.

Later that evening, after saying goodbye to Tracy in front of their favorite bistro, Alex checked her phone and saw that she had a few missed calls. She inwardly cursed her provider's spotty coverage when she saw that one of them was from Olivia.

Her initial inclination was to return Olivia's call but stopped short when she realized she was not quite ready to talk to her. Irritated at her own cowardice she checked the other missed calls and took care of them, deciding to leave the one person she really needed to speak to for last.

At the same time, Olivia was staring vacantly at the microwave in her kitchen while her dinner was warming up inside. When her cell phone rang, a small ping of excitement pulsed in her heart and she quickly made a grab for the device. The thrill receded when she saw the number. Dinner will have to be on the go, she thought as she answered the phone. "Hey, Elliot..."

* * *

Alex sat in her kitchen table with a glass of wine and work spread out before her. She leafed through her print outs in an absent-minded way and realized that she was doing an inordinate amount of clock watching tonight. It was just a little after ten. She convinced herself that it wasn't too late to return the call.

She finished the last of the wine and headed to the bedroom. Ignoring her earlier resolution, she decided to take a shower. A half hour later, she returned to her bedroom and retrieved her Blackberry.

When she saw the display she cursed out loud. "God damn it!"

There was a voicemail icon on the screen and her missed call listed Olivia again. Today had just been a whole lot of hits and misses. Alex dialed her mailbox and listened to the message. Her heart, out of trepidation, felt like it was beating a little irregular as she waited for the familiar voice.

"Hey, it's me... Sorry I missed your call. Uh, Elliot and I caught a new case tonight. I'll tell you all about it in the morning if you bring the coffee and donuts." There was a pause and Alex could almost see Olivia taking a deep breath before she continued in a voice barely above whisper, "Good night, Alex."

Alex placed the phone on her bedside table. She was smiling again. There'd been plenty of that today as well, frowns and smiles. Turning the lights out, she climbed into bed. After a few minutes, she got up and reached for her alarm clock. Still smiling lightly in the darkness Alex backed up her alarm so that she could stop for donuts and coffee in the morning.

* * *


	11. Part 10

**14. Nuked Peeps**

The call to her office came at a quarter past six. A case had just been handed from Homicide to SVU. The D.A. was placing priority on seeing this case through and Alex will need to go to the precinct tonight for the case's first briefing. Then Elizabeth Donnelly hung up without so much as a good night. Great… Alex turned her eyes heavenward. She could only imagine how the gang at the one-six would feel about her involvement this early in an investigation.

Exiting the station's ancient elevator she walked down the familiar corridor and mentally prepared for any resistance the squad was going put up against her presence. While the coffee and donuts had been a great hit this morning Alex wasn't naive enough to think that the Captain and his detectives were going to roll over for the District Attorney because of a couple dozen glazed rings. She hoped for predictability in their opposition, it was much easier to defend.

Olivia wouldn't be there. Alex had talked herself into believing that her absence was a good thing, despite the fact Olivia was usually the least resistant to interference from the DA's office. From the unsolicited opinions given by her predecessor Alex had a suspicion that Olivia objected less only when she was involved.

Inside the squad room, the captain was huddled with two of his detectives by the blackboard. Fin and Munch looked up as she approached, but Cragen was the first to speak.

"Alex. Sorry to have to bring you in at this hour."

Alex cocked her head to one side. "Our bosses colluded on this one. Got to have something to feed the press tomorrow," she told him.

There's not a whole hell lot we can do about it was left unsaid. She recovered from her initial surprise quickly enough to accept Cragen's candid and unexpected overture, and was relieved that there wasn't going to be any animosity directed at her.

"You know how we work here. We're not going to stonewall you," Cragen assured the ADA again. The weary captain looked around and signaled to everyone in the room that the briefing would begin. A couple of detectives from third and several uniformed officers gathered closer.

Movement in Alex's peripheral vision caught her attention and she turned to see Olivia appearing from behind the group of cops.

A chagrined Cragen beat Alex to her lines. "Benson, what are you doing here?"

"Captain..."

"I seem to recall telling you that I didn't want to see you until Monday morning."

Alex was glad that everyone's attention was directed at the newly arrived detective because her professional facade faltered when she saw Olivia Benson dressed up for what looked to be a very ritzy night out. She managed to snap out of it and pulled her jaw back up when Olivia spoke.

"I was the SVU liaison on that joint task force with Homicide when they started the case." Olivia jerked her thumb at the blackboard covered in pictures and a chalked timeline. "There's going to be things I can help to fill in," she said earnestly.

Cragen must have realized that arguing with Olivia would be an exercise in futility. He silently capitulated and then pointed to Munch. "In my office when we're done," he said to the veteran detective leaving no doubt that he knew who had called Olivia.

Alex listened as a weary Cragen who looked like he could use a few days off himself apprised the team about the case. She managed to pay attention to the captain while her eyes flicked over to Olivia.

The jacket Olivia had on was a little too short for the weather, Alex decided. But it cut a great silhouette on her - strong shoulders, trim waist, and what the jacket didn't hide were those long, tanned legs. All that before you could even notice the plunging neckline peeking out from behind the unbuttoned jacket. Alex frowned. She's seen Olivia in evening wear before. This outfit however was more than 'I want to look nice'. This outfit was saying, 'I want to look nice for you so you can tear this dress off me'.

A surge of jealousy rose in Alex. She hoped that Laney knew how lucky she was because Olivia didn't go all out for just anyone. Alex was damn near positive that even the diva Julia had not seen a dress like this one.

She watched as Olivia stepped up to the board to point out something in the timeline. Alex was all too glad for an excuse to keep her eyes trained on the detective. She glanced down, admiring Olivia's well-toned calves and how... _alluring_ they looked with those heels. Her gaze trailed to the hemline of the dress and she followed it around and to the side, where the material slit up and-- oh, god.

Alex's mind started to buzz, the case particulars became white noise and she felt her body temperature ratchet up a few notches. Was the precinct's A/C not working? Before she could stop herself she blurted out, "W- what?"

"What?" Olivia echoed. Since Alex had been looking at her when she sputtered, the detective had apparently assumed Alex was directing the question at her.

Alex realized that Olivia hadn't actually said anything because Munch had been in middle of a question when her mouth betrayed her. Her face at first flushed and then paled in horror, fearing that her innermost thoughts and her sudden and intense physical reaction to Olivia could be read by all.

The lawyer ducked her head and pinched the bridge of her nose, avoiding eye contact with Olivia in the process. _This is not happening_, she thought wearily. "Sorry. Please, continue," she urged the group.

The briefing went on and broke up after the captain assigned everyone their tasks. The group scattered except for Cragen, Olivia and Alex.

"You," he addressed Olivia in a stern manner, "go home, or go back to wherever you came from. I don't want to hear about you coming in this weekend to work on this case, or any case. Is that clear?"

Without waiting for an answer, he left the two women and retreated to his office with Munch trailing behind at a slower pace.

Olivia turned to Alex. "You're alright?"

"Yeah," Alex lied. She was having a difficult time coming up with something to say.

"About lunch..." Olivia started.

Their plan to meet earlier had fallen through when Olivia and Elliot went out to Alphabet City. They had been jammed up trying to interview an eighty year old woman who spoke little English and became increasingly testy during the interview about having the cops in her home.

Olivia reached up and fiddled with the onyx drop earring on her left earlobe. The earrings were simple and elegant, just like everything else about her outfit tonight.

Alex inhaled sharply as if she had forgotten to breathe. "Don't worry about it. We'll get together next week," she said with confidence she did not possess at that moment. Her voice sounded strained to her own ears and she hoped that Olivia would not notice.

"I have to go. I'll see ya," Olivia said after a moment of consideration. Her expression was unreadable to the still-flustered attorney who could only nod and watched the familiar stride as Olivia walked away.

Alex took a few minutes to regain her bearings. As she began to process the physical reactions triggered by the sight of the dark-haired detective in a little black cocktail dress she knew their talk would have to be sooner rather than later.

Olivia exited the station house into the dusky light of an early evening. For the first time in days she hadn't been on call for the night shift. There was nothing pending in her caseload that would warrant being called in so she had felt confident about an uninterrupted date with Laney tonight. A quiet and relaxing evening at a very nice restaurant. So much for optimism.

She had called Laney after hanging up on Munch. As usual, Laney had been sympathetic to the situation. But since the briefing had only taken just over fifteen minutes and with Cragen having given her the ultimatum to stay away, her plans for tonight would not be ruined after all. At least not completely.

She pulled out her cell as she looked down the street, trying to flag down a cab. Laney was delighted to hear from her and agreed that although their reservations were history they should still meet. It was just as well since every second of OT that Olivia had worked this week would have been needed to pay for dinner at that place.

As she made her way to meet the professor Olivia thought about the squad's latest hand-me-down case. It was going to be a real bitch and she was glad she wasn't the primary. Even Alex had seemed on edge, which surprised Olivia. She wondered how bad Alex's day must have been and wished she'd stayed longer to see if the lawyer was alright.

Olivia put away her concerns, vowing to check on Alex tomorrow and focused on Laney instead. She smiled inwardly as she let her mind wander to one of her more favorite evenings with the professor. On Tuesday night, the two of them had explored the comforts of Laney's couch and it had been at the tip of Olivia's tongue to suggest moving to the bedroom when her pager went off. Olivia had wanted to throw the beeper against the wall in hopes it would shatter. Instead she called in and that was the night she found herself by a stoop in Chelsea.

A short ride later the cab pulled over and she got out, sighing at the memories of the thwarted evening. Every time they arrived at a crossroad something would inevitably interrupt. And Olivia worked hard at making it up to Laney - a dinner cut short became breakfast, a canceled lunch became Chinese take out between classes. Laney didn't seem to mind and Olivia wanted it to stay that way.

As soon as she rounded a corner Olivia was extremely glad she had the coat on. She had never been to the beer garden Laney suggested and now that she was a stone's throw away from the place she realized that she was completely overdressed. She scanned the area around the entrance and didn't see her date so she found herself an empty spot on the sidewalk, buttoned up her jacket and waited.

She watched a group of drunken college kids stumble past, laughing and happy to be in each other's company, and it got her thinking about her days at Siena. From there her thoughts began to drift and it didn't take long for it to settle on Alex again. She shook her head in defeat. The reality was, if Olivia would admit it, that she was using Laney; like a consolation prize in a contest which Laney knew nothing about. That thought led Olivia to wonder why she was trying so hard. She looked down at her dress, specifically purchased for tonight. It clung to all the right parts certain to get the attention of the one she was wearing it for.

She had considered telling Laney, not about Alex, but of her doubts about them as a couple. Yet she chickened out of that topic every time they met. She was holding on to the sliver of possibility that she might build something with Laney after her feelings for Alex were resolved. That would require talking to Alex, a feat seemingly impossible if things kept going this way.

When she caught sight of Laney the detective smiled as she watched the other woman unaware. Laney was walking slowly, her hands in the pockets of her top coat. She was in her own little world as she strolled along the sidewalk. Olivia's smile faded as Laney moved closer. The shorter woman was almost a block away and appeared to be in no hurry. At twenty feet Olivia could see Laney managing to finally notice her. It seemed to take the professor looking directly at her before recognition set in. Laney grinned widely and Olivia gave her a tight lipped smile.

Olivia kissed the smiling woman on the cheek and followed her into the restaurant. She carefully watched for tell tale signs that the professor might trip. As if on cue, Laney missed a step and Olivia caught the woman's arm before she could fall.

Laney laughed a little too loudly at the stumble. She didn't notice the dark look that passed over Olivia's face.

"I had a couple of glass of wine after you said you have to be at work," Laney disclosed as they sat down on the same side of a booth.

_They musta been some pretty substantial glasses_. Olivia forced a smile and said, "I'm glad it didn't take long."

"So am I or I might have missed you in that dress. You look _delicious_," Laney drawled.

Oh hello, Olivia thought as Laney leaned over and gave her a quick nip at her neck. She could hardly object since that was the look she had been going for. It was too late for regrets. "You look wonderful too," she managed to respond.

"Pshaw. I threw on the first thing I found when you called me back."

Sitting this close to Laney Olivia had already figured that bit of information out. "And it suits you," Olivia told her seriously as she noted that the shirt under Laney's light jacket was inside out.

"Thank you!" Laney said brightly.

The conversation broke as they ordered dinner. Olivia picked out a beer she had never heard of and Laney ordered a glass of wine. The older woman then hemmed and hawed for a moment before passing on food. "I'll just have a bite of yours," she told Olivia.

"So…" Laney began after they received their drinks. "Just where would you put your gun while wearing that little dress?"

Olivia was taken aback by the question. Laney didn't seem to notice as she pressed on. "Do you have a thigh holster?"

"Uh… I think you've been watching too much TV." For her response Olivia was treated to another unduly loud chuckle.

"Maybe, but I think it would be _very_ sexy."

"I've never understood why someone would think being armed is sexy," Olivia admitted.

"It's the big stick," Laney told her. Olivia blinked but before she could ask Laney continued, "Not a penile substitute. It's power."

"My gun doesn't make me powerful," Olivia objected. She tamped down the bewilderment building inside of her as she watched this whole other side of Laney unfolding before her.

"No, it doesn't. Not on you anyway. You have a… confidence and you don't need a gun to project it." Laney polished off the rest of her wine. She signaled the waitress for another glass. Olivia declined, she was still working on her beer.

Laney turned her attention back to the brunette and Olivia noticed that her eyes were darker, her irises were highly dilated even in this dim lighting.

"That's not to say I don't find you exciting when you're are armed," Laney said. She placed her hand on Olivia's hip, where her service weapon would usually sit. "I do. But you don't need it to promote your authority like some cops do."

A loud siren went off in Olivia's mind. "Some cops?" She asked carefully.

"Oh, like Ralph. Without his gun and badge he was just a little weenie with an attitude problem. Or Melissa. She was just another weak willed woman when she took off the uniform."

It didn't take Olivia long to convince Laney to tell her about Ralph and Melissa. Both were exes and both were cops. The longer Laney went on, the clearer the picture became.

For one very fleeting moment the thought occurred to Olivia to put Laney in a cab and then turn and run the other direction. But she escorted her date home and saw her safely into the apartment. The inebriated professor teetered off to the bathroom and Olivia used the opportunity to take a good hard look around.

Laney had floor-to-ceiling bookshelves running along the far wall of her living room. Olivia had never really paid attention to their contents all the other times she was in the apartment. She walked over to inspect the shelves. The first one she stopped at was filled with academic texts (with stupor inducing titles like _Game Theory for Applied Economists_ and _The Resolution of Conflict: Constructive and Destructive Processes_). One of the few titles she recognized was a well read copy of _A Beautiful Mind_. Terribly boring movie, Olivia remembered.

She moved on to the neighboring shelves. They were lined with fictional mysteries and true crime books. Olivia leaned in to read the titles and her eyes widened when she noticed several forensic methodology books, law enforcement manuals and the most revealing discovery yet - a slew of biographies, all but one were about police and firefighter figures.

She picked up the lone title that had seemed out of place. It was a compilation of profiles from the District Attorney's office. The detective turned to check the hallway before she flipped open the book to look at the index. 'Donnelly, Elizabeth' was listed but 'Cabot, Alexandra' was not. The detective grimaced. She had hoped that Laney's dating history was sheer coincidence, but with everything Laney told her at the restaurant coupled with the professor's choice of pleasure reading has turned it all into irrefutable evidence confirming her suspicions.

Olivia put the book back hastily when she heard Laney moving around in the bathroom. It took her another ten minutes before she came back to the living room and judging from the red marks on her face Olivia would say she had passed out for a few minutes.

At Laney's insistence, they sat on the couch. "We didn't get to chat over dinner," she complained.

_Dinner?_ Olivia thought back to Laney's meal which consisted of her picking at Olivia's side of fries.

Laney reached for the bottle of Merlot she had left on the coffee table and poured herself another glassful. Looking around earlier, Olivia had already spotted an empty bottle on the kitchen counter. It didn't take long, maybe a few slurred sentences at the most, for the professor to fall asleep on the couch. Olivia, who was starting to feel the alcohol and fatigue getting to her, went to the bedroom and pulled the comforter off the bed. She was tucking Laney in when she woke. Olivia shushed her but Laney ignored the silencing and planted a long deep kiss on Olivia's lips.

Olivia responded without thinking and the rest of her body caught up. That this might end up a drunken romp did not really bother her. It wouldn't be the first time. But ever since that lamentable tryst with Brian Cassidy the morals that had scared Julia off kept Olivia in check. Laney might regret the hangover tomorrow but after everything Olivia had just learned about the professor she was sure that Laney wasn't going to regret sleeping with her. With this thought, and the ramifications weighing heavy against the act, Olivia sobered up and pulled back from the woman's embrace to tuck her in. The professor sighed, looking a little crushed and pouted. Olivia brushed away Laney's bangs and kissed her on the forehead. This placated the sleepy woman enough for Olivia to finish pulling the comforter over her.

Olivia left as quietly as she could and walked down the building stairs with heavy steps. The mess with Alex must have put her off her game more than she realized. Because Laney Whitmore was a certified badge bunny and Olivia Benson had missed every single sign pointing to it along the way.

* * *

**15. A Different Beginning**

Olivia scowled at her alarm clock and moved to snatch it off the nightstand. She had forgotten to turn it off the night before. The cord snapped from the outlet as the detective tossed it across the room. Her neighbor hit the wall a couple times in response and Olivia pulled her pillow over her head. Mr. Fix It, the wall pounder, had no right to object since his bed squeaked like a giant squeeze toy at all hours of the night and at least three times a week.

Olivia woke again two hours later and her mood did not improve. She got out of bed and promptly stubbed her toe on her nightstand. Swearing under her breath she lowered herself on the edge of the mattress to rub her foot but ended up sliding off and landing with a thump on the floor.

After a few seconds she slumped down on the floor and stared at the ceiling. Getting back into bed for the rest of the day didn't sound half bad. Olivia stared at the dust bunnies huddled under her bed. She drew a blank trying to recall the last time she had vacuumed there.

She sat up with a groan. There were things to be done today. Working for five days and four nights had left her with no time for the little things. Little things that had to be taken care of before life got more complicated.

Complexities aside Olivia decided that her day had to have a better start than with a bruised toe and sore ass. After much searching she found a clean towel hiding in her closet. She picked out her favorite bubble bath, ran the water and soaked for an hour.

Afterwards, she came out and looked around her messy living space and decided to not ruin the ordered chaos. She was off for the next three days and there would be plenty of time to clean. There were more pressing matters at hand. Starting with the relentless voice mail notice on her cell phone.

_You have five new messages. To list… BEEP._

"Olivia, it's Laney. I… I want to apologize for last night. It's been quite some time since I've consumed so much alcohol and I realize my behavior bordered on boorish. I've no afternoon classes today. Please call me back I'd like to have lunch so that I can make it up to you."

She erased the message thinking that Laney really missed the mark if she thought last night merely bordered on boorish.

"Hi Olivia. It's Laney again. How about lunch at Zocalo, my treat? Call me."

No, definitely not Zocalo. She hit erase again.

"Hey Olivia. This is Maureen Stabler. Mom and Dad's anniversary is coming up and we're gonna surprise them with an overnight at Niagara Falls. Is there any way you can help me make sure he can get the 18th through the 22nd off? I'd call Captain Cragen but I don't know him very well. Um, anyways call me back and let me know. Thanks."

Olivia smiled as she thought about her partner and his family. Elliot was an idiot sometimes. Lucky for him his kids took after Kathy.

"Hey. I know you're off today but if there's anyway you can e-mail me your original notes for the Closten case I would appreciate it. Thanks."

Olivia replayed the message twice so that she could hear the voice again. Then she sighed and declared herself pathetic.

"Olivia, it's Laney. Please call me."

After setting down her cell Olivia booted up her laptop. It was ancient and slow but replacing it was not in her budget. She kept a fairly current back up on an external drive so that when the processor finally went to the great computer heap in Hell she would have her data.

Olivia e-mailed Alex the notes and followed it up with a second e-mail with questions about three other cases. While she was online she sent Cragen a short message about Maureen's request. Before she finished typing the message to Cragen Alex had responded from her Blackberry.

Olivia smiled at the message. Alex wasn't one for text speak and her e-mail was riddled with grammatical errors. Apparently she was in a huge hurry. Olivia replied and shut down her mail program before they could start an e-mail chain. Next, she started on the little things by paying several almost due bills online.

After leaving Maureen a voice mail Olivia procrastinated a while longer. Then with her thoughts in place she bit the bullet and called Laney. She turned down the invitation to Zocalo and suggested they meet at the Daily Grind. Laney's enthusiasm seemed tempered by Olivia's tone.

Olivia was ten minutes late and slid into a chair across from Laney without an excuse. She chewed on the inside of her cheek when she saw Laney's bloodshot eyes.

"Hi," Laney greeted her.

"Good morning," Olivia returned. Laney didn't look convinced that it was. "How do you feel?" Olivia inquired.

"Like I drank too much and made a fool of myself," Laney went for the truth.

"It happens," Olivia answered. God knew that she had tied one on more than once. But it was one thing to get plastered at Alex's New Years party. It was an entirely different thing to enter a bar already drunk.

"I suppose but I'm not accustomed to acting like my more immature students. I apologize," Laney said but Olivia waved her off.

"Don't worry about it. It's not like you do it every night," Olivia told her. Laney looked extremely relieved. Then Olivia burst her bubble. "There is something else we need to talk about," she said.

"What's that?" Laney asked sipping her drink.

"I don't think we should see each other anymore. I… I'm sorry, Laney."

"Is this because of the amount of wine I consumed last night?"

You have no idea, Olivia thought as she thought back to Laney's drunken ramblings of the other cops she had dated.

"No," Olivia lied without regret.

"Is there someone else?" Laney asked. Olivia hesitated as she attempted to find an appropriate response. She saw Laney's face fall in realization.

"Not like you mean. I mean she's an ex. Well, sort of an ex. Christ I can't even figure it out in my head let alone explain it to you," Olivia answered. She took a deep breath and looked Laney in the eye. "There is a woman I know that I have some unresolved feelings for."

"I see. Is she straight?" The older woman had gone from hurt to amused in seconds which irritated Olivia.

"Does it matter? She… I feel like I've been using you. It's not fair to either of us for me to pretend otherwise."

"I felt no pretension the other night," Laney told her and Olivia winced.

"I shouldn't have allowed that to happen," Olivia said contritely.

"That dress you were wearing last night wasn't exactly an 'I need to let you down gently' statement either," Laney said with accusation in her voice.

"I had planned on talking to you after I spoke to her. Then I realized how selfish that was this morning. I need to resolve my feelings for her before I can move on with someone else. It wouldn't be fair to ask you to wait, Laney," Olivia said.

"Shouldn't I have some say in this decision? What if I think you're worth waiting for?"

"If you really knew me you wouldn't think that. I've been killing myself to make up for all the times that my work has interrupted our time. I don't usually do that. Could you really be happy being second place to my job? And not only my job but be happy knowing that I am hung up on someone else?" Olivia asked.

"I thought I had made that abundantly clear. Your work is important - I understand that. And I have no issue when your cell phone rings in the middle of our time together. But you're right that I can't play second fiddle to another woman. Have you been seeing her behind my back?" Laney asked as if she was looking for a reason to be angry.

"Not in the way you mean. We've worked several cases together and things are strictly professional," Olivia responded hoping to lead Laney into thinking it was another officer.

"I see. I suppose I should wish you well. I don't know if I'm that big a person, Olivia."

"You don't have to be. I should have been straight with you from the beginning. I am sorry, Laney," Olivia said honestly.

"So am I," Laney replied.

They sat in uncomfortable silence nursing their drinks. Olivia had ordered a bagel that remained untouched so she nibbled at it. After a long stretch of stillness Laney asked quietly, "Do you think we could be friends?"

Olivia didn't know the answer to that question but she told her, "I'm sure we could try."

Laney seemed satisfied with that and the tension ebbed slightly. Olivia chewed slowly and then began to tell Laney about the kid who had hid under the stoop for hours. Laney, even in her hung over state, hung on to every word. Olivia almost felt bad about using her work as a distraction but went with it knowing it was exactly what Laney was wanting.

* * *

Olivia returned home to spend the rest of the day listless around her apartment. Stacks of mail on her end table, a pile of unfolded laundry taking squatter on the couch and the takeout boxes on the kitchen table were evidence of her aborted attempts to do something, anything.

Having decided that chores wasn't going to help either in keeping her mind off things or settling any of the restlessness she was feeling she went to the gym. When she got there she picked the treadmill farthest away from everyone else and ran.

She didn't want to think about anything. Anyone. She kept the volume of her music up. Olivia focused on The Stones, The Chili Peppers, Motorhead and nothing else. Her attempt at blasting the thoughts and memories from her mind worked pretty well. Thoughts of all the signs she had missed about Laney, the searing memory of kissing Alex and the darker visions of work fled in the face of a 10k run.

She ran until there was fire in her lungs.

After wiping the treadmill down she retreated to an area where yoga and aerobics were taught. She collapsed onto the floor and lay there catching her breath. Her lungs, legs and back were all aching. Her ears were ringing from the music but the runners high she was experiencing kept her from caring. She almost missed the soft voice that greeted her.

"Hi."

Olivia opened her eyes, cursing herself for being careless. She stared up at the source of the voice. He looked harmless enough. Five seven, blond and his thin frame pegged him as a runner. Olivia sat up quickly moving to defend if needed. Why she was reacting to him this guardedly she couldn't really say, she just knew that he made her uncomfortable.

"Hey," she replied carefully.

"I was watching you on the treadmill. How far did you run?"

_Apparently not far enough_. "I don't know."

"You don't… You didn't check?" He asked in astonishment. Olivia doubted his bewilderment just as she did his curiosity.

"I knew when I was done," Olivia said with a shrug. She stretched her aching left leg never taking her eyes off the man.

He held himself in a manner that she was way too familiar with. The long sleeves and weight lifting gloves would cover any tattoos but nothing would ever put emotions in those eyes. For an ex-con it was taking him a long time to make her as a cop.

She gulped a drink from her water bottle and he looked horrified. She listened to him ramble about water not being sufficient and that she should really join him for a wheat germ soy something, something, something. She didn't really hear his line about the health benefits because she was too busy memorizing his face.

In the end she turned him down but got his name and planned to run it at her first chance. If it came up as his real name she would eat her water bottle.

It was a quarter past eleven when she left the gym. Her hair was still damp from the halfhearted effort at drying it. The hot shower felt good though. On the journey home she kept an eye out for the ex-con. She wondered if Cragen would find out if she logged on from home to run him.

As Olivia crossed the street to enter her apartment building a flash of lightning overhead lit up the sky. The clouds, so dark and heavy they were visible in the night sky were about to let loose.

"Olivia!" A voice called out from behind, from a distance.

She turned around and saw a tall, slim figure walking towards her. Alex's posture was ramrod straight and resolute. Olivia took Alex in as she approached. Her trench coat was unbelted and it flapped in the mild breeze so it looked like she was strutting down a runway. In her right hand Alex held an umbrella.

"You're a long way from home," Olivia said when Alex drew close enough. She eyed the blonde's footwear. "Tell me you didn't walk the whole way."

"I'm parked down there."

She had driven down armed with only with a piece of paper that had the detective's address and the umbrella that she had picked up out of habit. Alex had circled the block at least three times looking for a parking spot near Olivia's building and almost dented a dilapidated Jeep when she tried to squeeze her sporty Lexus in between it and an SUV.

Olivia nodded, regarding Alex silently when a thought suddenly occurred to her. "How _do_ you know where I live?"

Alex's mouth quirked. "Do you really want to know?"

Maybe it was from the severe lack of sleep. Maybe it was the fallout from the upheaval of emotions that had been adding up since they were alone together the last time. Whatever it was, Alex being coy right now was about to become the straw that broke the proverbial back.

"What are you doing here?" Olivia asked curtly.

"I wanted to see you."

Olivia forced herself to not respond other than nodding. The emotional wall she was attempting to erect was crumbling fast. _Shit_. She shifted in place and waited on Alex to elaborate.

Alex, having said the first thing that came to mind, now found her carefully rehearsed words lodged in the back of her throat. Why was it that speaking became immeasurably difficult in the presence of the woman in front of her?

Olivia was standing with her arms crossed, and her eyes were narrowed in expectancy. She projected no authority with the pose, only a vulnerability that surprised Alex when she recognized it as such. Alex had never seen Olivia afraid... if that was the word for it. She didn't think her friend, who could rage with the best of them and who possessed infinite compassion and kindness for the victims she encountered, even knew the word fear.

"I...," Alex started to say and shook her head. "I've been doing a lot of thinking and I think you deserve to know the truth."

Inside, Olivia was scared to death of the truth. She wanted to tell Alex that if the truth was "it was all a mistake", she'd rather not know. Don't bother RSVPing your regrets. She would prefer ignorance to having the connection when they kissed, a link that stirred her to the core, be considered a mistake or worse. The tightness in her chest told her there was no weapon in her emotional arsenal capable of blocking a blow of rejection from Alex.

Olivia's outward reticence forced Alex to speak again. "I'd like to explain myself but do you think we can do this somewhere less public?"

Olivia felt like she was preparing herself to be dumped even though it was she who did the dumping earlier. Payback really was a bitch. A damned one at that she thought as she remembered the state of her apartment. There was no way she would invite Alex Cabot up with the place looking like a tornado had been doing housekeeping.

Besides, did she really want Alex to break her heart inside her own apartment?

"Nobody out here but us," Olivia said shortly. As if Mother Nature was mocking her a stiff cold breeze suddenly picked up.

Alex conceded with a nod and drew a heavy breath before she spoke. "I want to apologize for Sunday. For how badly I handled things." Olivia's heart, already at the pit of her stomach, sank deeper at those words. "And for not telling you about Harvester taking over for me when I was away. The truth is I went away because I needed to work through the confusion I felt."

Olivia forced herself to remain stoic, at least on the outside. "Any revelations?"

Alex's eyes met Olivia's for the briefest of moments before she looked away again. "I found some clarity when I was in Connecticut. I realized that I want something I'm not sure I deserve. Especially not in light of what I've done," she said self-deprecatingly.

"I'm not sure I understand you," Olivia said honestly. This was not going the way she had anticipated. In fact, this was so far off any scenario that her mind could conjure that she wasn't sure she had an exit plan.

"When I took on this assignment I had grand ideas, I was going to be on the fast track to a political seat, I predicted the resistance, and I fully expected everyone at SVU to hate me."

Olivia started to protest. "We don't--"

"You did," Alex said firmly. "I anticipated many things when I started this job but I swear, Olivia, I never expected to feel this way." She enunciated the last few words and hoped that Olivia could grasp the magnitude of what she was saying. Olivia opened her mouth but Alex stopped her again. "Please. Please let me finish or I'll never be able to get it all out." She looked at Olivia pleadingly and Olivia nodded.

"You asked me to let you know, when I had it figured out..." There was a pause as Alex gathered whatever fortitude she had left. "I've _never _been attracted to a woman before, never have considered it an option. But you intrigued me. And I had no earthly idea what that meant nor did I understand why. So imagine my surprise when I realized that... that I was attracted to you." Alex gauged the moment and decided to go for broke. "I like you, Olivia. And it's not just a physical thing."

"Alex, I... I mean, Laney and I just..." Olivia gibbered.

"I know. It is not my intention to get in the way of that," Alex said as though she was trying to convince herself instead of Olivia. "I wasn't prepared to deal with these unfamiliar feelings and I let that affect the way I acted towards you. I am sorry for that, and for almost ruining our friendship with my juvenile and petty ways. We can move on from this, be friends again if I--"

They would never find out what Alex was going to propose because Olivia stepped in and kissed her. Their lips grazed once, twice. The umbrella Alex held fell to the ground with dull thump but neither of them noticed as they moved closer into each other and completely gave in to the moment.

Alex opened her mouth and invited Olivia's tongue in. Her hands went to the short dark hair and caressed the damp locks. She could smell Olivia's soap and shampoo, and the light scents were intoxicating. She felt Olivia begin to pull back. Oh no, that wouldn't do, Alex decided as the exquisite softness of the embrace began to consume her. She moved her hand to the back of Olivia's head and pressed her lips more determinedly against Olivia's.

Olivia ran her tongue around the back of Alex's front teeth. When Alex slipped her hand behind Olivia's head the detective began a slow playful joust with her tongue. Her left hand pressed into the small of Alex's back and held firm as she pressed her body against the blonde.

A crack of thunder brought them back to the present and they broke apart. Olivia kept her arms wrapped around Alex. She held on to the blonde, not willing to let go and giving in to her selfish desire to feel Alex pressed again her. Olivia watched the lawyer for a reaction and waited for Alex to respond to the pronouncement of her intentions through action rather than words.

Alex's eyes were bright and unblinking as she stared back. "I uh... is this how we move on?" Her voice came out in a hoarse whisper. Her hand was still in Olivia's hair and the gentle stroking was making Olivia crazy.

"This," she grasped Alex tighter, "is how we move on together," Olivia said just as quietly.

"Laney..."

Olivia shook her head. "Past tense."

"Oh." It was all that needed to be said about the subject.

Olivia inhaled deeply and tried to explain, "I was going to come see you tomorr--"

She was cut off when Alex leaned forward and captured the brunette's lips with her own. Alex didn't give a shit about what Olivia was going to do tomorrow. Right now was the only thing on her mind and in her heart.

Olivia let herself feel more than just Alex's physical presence. It felt beyond fantastic to be pressed against Alex. She let all of her defenses drop and melted into the embrace.

Alex groaned lightly as she felt her body react with a whole new level of arousal to the woman she was kissing. Nothing in her life had prepared her for this moment.

They both pulled back simultaneously. When they managed to look at each other they started to giggle. Actually giggle. Their giddiness stemming from relief, and joy, and from the suddenness in the turn of events that neither one saw coming. For the first time they allowed themselves to look at each other without reserve.

They still had their arms around each other and together they swayed to a silent rhythm. The unconscious motion was buoyed by the knowledge that uncertainties and regrets no longer separated them. There would be time for second thoughts later.

Alex spoke up first, breaking the spell of contentment. "We really have to stop meeting like this." Olivia eyes widened in surprise and question. "In front of each other's apartments," Alex qualified.

"Yeah." Olivia smiled. Then a sobering thought hit her. "This--... it's going to be difficult."

Alex laughed softly and Olivia was surprised again although she didn't exactly mind the sound and the way Alex's face brightened when she laughed. It was a beautiful sight. Still, she waited for an explanation.

"Everything we have done, for us to get to this point, has been difficult," the lawyer pointed out. "How could you possibly expect anything that comes after to be any different?"

"You're right," Olivia agreed after a moments thought.

"We both know that just because we've acknowledged this it doesn't mean that everything else is going to fall into place."

"You're right. Again."

"I think I'm beginning to sense a pattern here," Alex teased. Her fingers moved from Olivia's hair and played with the string on her hoodie.

Drops of rain began to fall. The thunder and lightning opening act finally gave way to the storm that had threatened to come down the entire day.

"Come upstairs," Olivia said. Messiness be damned.

Alex sighed and leaned into the cop. "I better not," she spoke into Olivia's shoulder.

Her tone was regretful. It wasn't a rebuff of Olivia's invitation. Olivia smiled at the younger woman as she released Alex to pick up the dropped umbrella. She handed it back to its owner. "Gonna need this."

"I have to work tomorrow. Or else I would." It was payback for having Tuesday off and for spending a great deal of time thinking about what this moment would feel like. And the reality of Olivia Benson was so much better than the fantasy.

"I know," Olivia told her. She placed a kiss on the blonde's cheek.

"Good night," Alex said, almost shyly.

"Night."

As Olivia watched Alex walk away a thought suddenly came to mind. The lawyer was about fifteen feet away when Olivia called out, "Hey Alex…?"

Alex turned to look at Olivia. The detective was getting wet under the steady downpour but she had a goofy smile on her face. Seeing her like that was better than the vision of Olivia in that dress.

"How about dinner? Tomorrow?" Olivia asked, and Alex beamed at her.

"Love to."

"Great. I know this Italian place out in Brooklyn…"

**The End**

* * *

**Author's note from Hobbes73**: Greetings gentle readers. We have come to the end of our journey. I hope everyone has enjoyed the roller coaster of emotions. I'm sure the payoff at the end is not what everyone wanted but this is where it ends. At the beginning of course. Thanks to all who have left feedback. Special thanks to bluebriefs for the arguing, growling, sniping and such but especially for those moments when it just wrote itself. I hope we can find the time to do it again. Cheers, Hobbes73

**Author's note from bluebriefs**: Thank you for making it all this way with us. This being only my second time writing fanfic I'm most grateful for Hobbes73's patience. More importantly, I appreciate all of your feedback - they kept me going at many points in the writing process instead of throwing in the towel. Please, please, please let us know if you enjoyed the story. ~bb


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